In celebration of The Hills: New Beginnings returning to MTV, I wanted to share a special story from one of my longest and dearest friends, Dr. Jennifer Dunphy. You may have heard of her back in her heyday when she was formerly known as "Jen Bunney from The Hills." Despite what you see on the reboot of The Hills today, much has changed for Jen since then. Not only has she successfully completed her PhD making her a doctor, but even bigger, she recently became a mother. But the road to having a baby and recovering from childbirth wasn't easy. In fact, Jen would agree that her work on her doctorate and as a top executive at a major healthcare firm seemed like a walk in the park compared to her initial introduction to motherhood.

Today, I wanted to share her birth story that reflects both the beauty of childbirth but also the difficulty that sometimes follows labor and delivery. Her story is here to elucidate the things that often go untalked about. But not today.

Similar to Jen, as you will read in her story, I suffered from postpartum depression and anxiety. A story that you can read here. While both of our stories are entirely unique in their own right, we hope to make it clear that postpartum trauma is real, happens more often than you think and comes in a multitude of forms. Not only that, but it is something we hope can be discussed openly - both individually by mothers and collectively by healthcare organizations. Personally, I had very few tools to deal with my postpartum situation that ensued six months post delivery, which included a loss of vision, panic attacks, insomnia, migraine headaches, depression and anxiety, all wrapped up in an inability to care for my two young children. Partner that with doctors without answers, and it can leave a new mother feeling very vulnerable when she is already in one of her most vulnerable states.

Coming from two women who had relatively uncomplicated, low risk pregnancies, and then to be faced with life-threatening symptoms and zero answers, we hope more stories can be shared. Not to place more fear around labor and delivery and the aftermath that may follow, but to educate women for preparedness in hopes of achieving more answers, and also so that women no longer feel alone. Again today, I share Jen's story. In her words. Buckle in!

I just texted my best friend, “Wow. How intense having a child is should be a PSA”. Spoiler alert on my labor story… I had a hard time. I always knew about post partum depression and what signs to look out for, but no one ever, not once, mentioned anything about post partum anxiety. Nor, did they mention that there is a difference between normal anxiety that you may suffer from in everyday life, even bad anxiety, and what I like to call the post partum apocalypse. I have grown into a fairly private person, but because of the severity of what I perceived my experience to be I decided to share it. 
 
The first thing you should know about post partum anxiety is that the symptoms closely mimic life threatening symptoms. So, when you experience a “panic attack”, you generally are experiencing symptoms, which if you have after delivery, probably do warrant a trip to the emergency room just to make sure. It also makes having post partum anxiety TERRIFYING, because it could ALSO be heart failure or some other very serious condition during a very high risk period for moms. Thus, you basically have your anxiety and then anxiety about your anxiety. ​

I had to be induced as I was quickly approaching 42 weeks without a lot of progress in dilation , I had no major complications during my pregnancy other than some very bothersome nausea/migraines. But, at the end of the day although it was uncomfortable I was healthy and the baby was healthy as I was going into labor. I felt very lucky to have gotten through my ~ten months of pregnancy with a healthy baby and with none of the scary conditions some of my friends have had like pre-eclampsia. I didn’t want to be induced as I felt GREAT in my third trimester (much better than the first or the second), but it was time because studies show that the risks go up (for both mom and baby) if the baby doesn’t come before 42 weeks and so I was 41 and 3 days scheduled for my induction. 
 
On my way into the hospital I started to get really nervous not knowing what to expect and I remember the thought flashed through my mind, what if I don’t come back out. We checked in and they made us wait an hour and then go back home because someone had taken our room who was 7 cm dilated (I was zero). Fine with me! Finally, they called us back in at 11 pm on February 28th 2019. We were admitted to L&D and my goal was to remain relaxed as much as possible. Still, I started trembling uncontrollably once we were back at the hospital and wouldn’t stop full body shaking for the next 30 hours. 
 
When we arrived they checked out the baby in the first room to make sure he was good and he was doing GREAT, they said they rarely see a baby heart rate and ultrasound look so good at almost 42 weeks. This gave me a lot of (false) confidence. They transferred me to the delivery room and hooked me up to the IV’s, they also started my antibiotics because I was GBS positive. This was no big deal for me, I don’t love needles but I also am not a scaredy cat and have a high pain tolerance. After that they gave me the pill to start labor called cytotec--the nurse told me its a very common first step for inductions, and hardly has any side effects….she said it would take 4-12 hours to work and start dilation by instigating mild contractions. They gave me the pill and told me to relax. I took the medication--down the hatch--and told my husband to start a movie for us so I could calm down and relax and get into this experience which seemed like it would be a long haul since I was 0 cm dilated. I was feeling good and ready to get the show on the road. This whole induction thing wasn’t so bad so far….
 
Within about 5 five minutes I started feeling sharp pains, I told my hubs, I feel something weird it actually really hurts. Since I have a pretty high pain tolerance I thought this was odd, but maybe my body was just adjusting. The pains continued and I tried to distract myself with the movie. All of a sudden the nurse rushed into the room and called for help. They tried to act calm but I could tell something was wrong. I couldn’t IMAGINE what, my baby and I had been healthy together for 10 months what could go wrong NOW?!  She said the baby is in distress (heart rate was too low for too long a period of time) and is not tolerating the medication you took.  I started very frantically asking questions about why, and she basically told me to shut up because we need to concentrate and fix the problem. She asked me to lay on my left side and take deep breaths. It wasn’t working. I was starting to hyper contract (very fast and hard contractions)--this was a very odd reaction to a medication supposed to cause only mild contractions and dilation over the course of 12 hours. Then, I was told to get on all fours and they gave me oxygen. At that point, facing the wall on all fours in my hospital bed breathing in oxygen from a mask I figured I was just seconds away from getting rushed into an emergency c-section to save the baby. I told myself that the only thing that mattered was getting the baby out in time and to do whatever was humanly possible to make that happen. Then they told me they had to give me a shot to reverse the effect of the pill and stop the contractions. They gave me the shot in my butt while I was still on all fours--within what seemed like seconds the baby stabilized with normal heart rate. Thank god. However, the shot made my heart go very fast and I started throwing up and got really sick (a small price to pay my baby was okay) I was shaking so badly it was like I was convulsing. To put this in context, this was only about fifteen minutes into my labor experience. Needless to say, I was off to a rocky start. I believe this experience was the start of my anxiety and I never really was able to relax after that--for months. 
 
The rest of the labor went by pretty seamlessly, but I will give a quick summary. I wasn’t dilated at all, so I had a doctor attempt to thread a foley balloon--which actually WORKED. They also started low dose pitocin and within 12 hours I was dilated to 5 cm. At that point, they decided it was time to progress the labor and break my water (which I was not looking forward too). I haven’t mentioned pain because I wasn’t in any (really, it was weird). I know I have a high pain tolerance but I did not expect zero pain. Sure, I was a bit uncomfortable, but I expected pain like in the movies and I was ready for it but it just didn’t come. 
 
When they came in to give me epidural the anesthesiologist asked me to rate my pain level 1-10, I told him 1 and he asked why I wanted it. I had heard things really pick up after getting the water broken so I decided to go ahead and get it since I was afraid of how bad it would become after the water was broken.  The epidural was truly painless and the drugs made me numb legs down as expected. The OB came in not five minutes later and broke my water, which was also completely painless, and then they inserted a catheter and an internal contraction monitor so that they would know how high to put my Pitocin dosage. From there they upped my pitocin so that my contractions were exactly the interval apart that they wanted. After a few hours of this, post water breaking I started to feel some pain and had to push the button to up my epidural a few times but it was honestly no big deal and I could have been fine without more meds I was just getting more uncomfortable and my discomfort seemed to be coming with less time of relief in between. The nurse told me to press the button because she said when the pain starts and people want relief the meds often “can’t catch up” to the pain. I didn’t want that to happen and had no idea how bad it was going to get it, so I PUSHED THAT BUTTON! At this point about 27 hours in I was STILL shaking uncontrollably and all they would give me to calm down and rest was a low dose of benedryl. Even so, I did not sleep the entire labor, not for a minute. 
 
The nurse said if you start to feel pressure call me, so when I did she came and checked and I was 10 cm dilated! I pushed for about 30 minutes and a beautiful healthy baby boy was delivered on March 1st 2019! I was SO relieved to be done, I couldn’t believe the baby was here and I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I was actually feeling good, my nerves finally, finally calmed, I was so tired I could hardly see, I just wanted to relax and when the baby came I was in shock/completely sleep deprived and just sort of stared at him. As the doctor was finishing up and the cord was cut the next ball dropped…
 
My OB told me I had started hemorrhaging. To stop the bleeding they had to give me yet another shot, they said it was different than the last shot. I remember telling the doctor I felt fine and ask if I really needed the shot, he said yes. I didn’t want it, especially after what happened last time. I obviously wasn’t tolerating these shots very well. This one was called methergen. About 5 minutes after I got it ,my heart started going very fast and I became to experience chest pain and overall I just didn’t feel right. Shortly after that I started throwing up, which doesn’t really happen to me personally unless I am very sick.  It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I had never experienced anything like this before and to top that off, I was 29 hours sleep deprived.  My blood pressure started going up and my heart starting skipping beats and I felt like I had just run a marathon (which maybe I had). I was scared I was potentially having serious cardiac complications. I kept asking them to check me out, and they kept telling me I just had anxiety and maybe they should call in a social worker. (WTF) Finally, at my husband’s request they did some blood tests to check for a heart attack including measuring troponins, and performed an EKG. (they also checked me for anemia) I asked for something to calm me down to see if that would help relax my heart rate and they gave me a little ativan in my IV which did seem to help. My values were elevated but not abnormal, and since everything checked out and baby was fine, they moved me into the post-delivery room where we stayed for two days. Everything was fine whenever they checked me out, the bleeding slowed, and I was cleared for discharge two days later. I was extremely tired and had trouble moving around easily, getting out of breath, but I figured that was normal considering I just had a baby. I was discharged on a Sunday and by Monday I definitely felt like something was wrong. 
 

At home, I was having trouble doing simple things like going to the bathroom and going upstairs without feeling very out of breath and feeling the urgent need to sit down (like you just worked out as hard as you can and if you don’t sit down you will pass out). I would also get dizzy breastfeeding.  I had pain when I took a deep breath, my heart rate was pretty high all of the time and I was having some high blood pressure readings (although no swelling). I also felt like I had fluid in my lungs or pressure (like an elephant sitting on my chest) whenever I bent down. 

Then in the afternoon the day after I was discharged I was breastfeeding and started seeing black spots and my heart rate accelerated out of nowhere. I took my blood pressure and it was 140/100 and my i-watch told me my heart rate at rest was 135. So I layed down and tried to calm down, lucky my mom was with me and my husband was around the corner running an errand. After about 3 minutes it got better and I sat up and then it started again. I thought I was going to pass out for the first time in my life my heart was beating so fast from no stimulus at all and my body started feeling like something was happening to it. My right side started to feel really weird like it was swelling but on one side only, my vision wasn’t right either.  Since I was in such a high risk period and experiencing some pretty scary symptoms of which I had never had anything like before, I ended up calling 911. I thought I could have been having a stroke or a heart attack. The paramedics rushed in my house and all I could think of was, I really hope they save me in time. They told me all my vitals were stabilized and it was safe to get driven to the ER. My husband took me to the ER where they performed a series of tests including a chest x ray, CT scan of my chest, EKG, blood work and an echo cardiogram. 
 
We weren’t actually expecting to find anything so when the ER doctor told us he thinks he found fluid around my heart we were shocked—this is called a pericardial effusion and CAN be life threatening, but not necessarily. It was horrible and my monitors were alarming the whole time because my heart rate and blood pressure were out of control.  I had never seen my husband look worried before in his life and he did at that moment. Finally, the cardiologist came in to tell us more. The first thing I remember asking the doctor is I am not going to die right, and he didn’t answer me--just launched into what was going on. That also didn’t help. On top of that I knew that heart failure in pregnancy, of which I had all the symptoms, had a 30% mortality rate. I kept thinking my beautiful baby is only 3 days old, he needs me to survive. I don’t want him to grow up without a mom, I can’t leave him now. I kept thinking what bad luck this all was and I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I even thought about telling my husband how I wanted to raise him and to bring him to me if I needed to be admitted to the hospital so I could see him one last time. At this point thinking I was going to potentially not make it multiple times in one day, and this all going on only 2 days after giving birth with hormones and sleep deprivation, resulted in me basically losing it. If you imagine a scale of flight or fight adrenaline with 1 being sleeping and 10 being going down on a burning plane, I was a 10. 
 
 My husband kept telling me I needed to calm down because we didn’t know what was wrong yet and this extreme anxiety could make it worse--that didn’t help. The next step was finding out how much fluid there was. The doctor said that if the fluid was too large, or there was hemodynamic issues (meaning the heart wasn’t beating right and the ejection fraction is too low) I would need to drain the fluid and have a heart procedure--right away. That next period of time , waiting to see what was going to happen to me, was the scariest of moment of my entire life. They did the chest CT and luckily, it showed the fluid was not causing my heart to function poorly and I could probably go home. Finally they decided I could come home to my baby and didn’t need to be admitted. No one wants to think about dying but I actually thought it could to happen to me that entire afternoon and evening. After that experience, I wasn’t able to calm down. 
 
When I got home I was still on edge, I hadn’t had enough tests to know what was going on yet, and I still felt miserable. To be honest, the next few weeks were all a blur. After I got home, I couldn’t reset my system from extreme panic to normal. I refused to take any medication for 6 weeks because I wanted to breast feed and was scared about transferring any to the milk. The doctors asked me to monitor my blood pressure, which I was doing about 4 times a day. One person mentioned you don’t want blood pressure too high because you can have a stroke. So, every time I would take it I would get extremely anxious it was going to be high. I think it was a lot higher than normal but then it would go even higher whenever I would check it. This would then trigger an extreme panic attack. I was getting readings of 160/110 with HR of 166. This was not a mild panic. Once I was able to calm down the blood pressure would go low to about 95/60, so they never put me on BP meds.  My body was more or less just completely freaking out and no one had any answers for me. Inside, I was still constantly scared I was going to die.   
My next echocardiogram showed my heart was functioning normally and that the fluid had gone down quite a bit (but was still there). Still, physically it looked like things were okay. And maybe the fluid could cause a few of the symptoms, such as inflammation or chest pain. But, not all of them.  After a few weeks, I finally got in to see a specialist who was both an OB and cardiologist well versed in these issues-- who said the fluid around my heart was likely caused by a virus I had at the end of my pregnancy or the fluids/stress/inflammation from labor and wasn’t dangerous to me.  My other symptoms they never figured out other than I have a very sensitive system and my autonomic nervous systems was having trouble regulating the changes in fluids and blood pressure and therefore going a little crazy (of course no one tells you this is even possible when you hear what to expect after delivery). Of the six doctors I saw in person, and four others I consulted with over the phone everyone was stumped--no one knew what was causing my symptoms. But, the thing they agreed on was that they thought I was going to be okay--physically (so thankful). I was very relieved I wasn’t on the verge on heart failure, but still felt very off and I was caught in what I call a terror tornado. Every single day, with the sun shining and looking out into my garden on a beautiful day in a safe neighborhood I was feeling extreme terror. I was scared every moment of the day it was almost as if the calming center of my body decided it was going to go on permanent vacation. I was literally in abject terror from the moment I woke up to when I would go to sleep every day for weeks. Although my anxiety had a trigger—this experience I just described-- many with postpartum anxiety have no triggers at all and can have the exact same feelings. More than that it is quite common--much more common than society tells you. I hear so much about postpartum depression but I never even knew postpartum anxiety existed. I thought I was the only one going through this experience. I didn’t want to leave the house and did not want to be left alone with the baby in case I had another attack. I always felt scared and couldn’t relax no matter what I tried.  This went out for about 5 weeks straight, day in and day out. My husband and mom did their best to take care of me but no one could understand how I could be doing so badly when the scary part was over--I was going to live, I might even be healthy. So, what was WRONG with me? I couldn’t really take care of the baby without getting a panic attack, my own baby. I couldn’t get up to change a diaper without feeling super dizzy and out of breath like I had to sit down right away thinking about even getting up to get something made me anxious. There was definitely a component of the physical recovery in all of this in that I was physically not myself, but the anxiety on top of it made everything unbearable. As the days and weeks went on and I kept expecting to feel better and when I didn’t I would get increasingly frustrated. I wasn’t bonding enough with my baby because I just felt horrible all of the time and spending time with him would peak my anxiety. Breastfeeding made my anxiety worse and the cycle would repeat itself with triggers everywhere. There would be glimmers of feeling back to normal and then something would trigger panic. It felt like getting caught in a rip tide and just when you were able to bring your head above the water to take a breath of air you were just as quickly pulled back under again. This cycle continued for quite some time and no one really knew what to do with me. I had people tell me to take medication, to stop breast feeding. But, I was stubborn and didn’t want to do either. So, I just let time pass. Finally, starting at around week 5 I started to notice that things were beginning to improve VERY slightly both physically and mentally. I could get up and not be out of breath and my blood pressure seemed to be slowly stabilizing. It didn’t hurt as much when I took a deep breath and I was getting my appetite back some. I also decided it was time to go on a little bit of medication and I started taking anti-anxiety medication at a very low dose which helped me sleep better and allowed my body to recover and my mind to gain the strength it needed. But, it wasn’t until ten weeks that I really felt any semblance of normality again and I still have anxious/bad days to this day. There is no clean ending to this story, I still have good days followed by bad days but I am significantly better than in those first six weeks. I really wish postpartum anxiety would have been discussed with me as a possibility. In fact, I didn’t even know it existed and when I did find out more about it the dialogue didn’t really expand beyond you may be prone to anxiety after labor. The resources say things like, you may feel irritable toward your partner, or nervous when going out to shop…not you may feel like you going to die every waking hour for approximately 42+ days…and not just kind of feel like you are going to die but actually fully believe you will not live (I didn’t see that anywhere!!!!). The extreme nature of postpartum conditions is played down. Further, there is hardly any differentiation from postpartum depression within any major information resources --but the symptoms are completely different. Postpartum anxiety can be severe and can affect you physiologically including dramatic swings in blood pressure, and heart rate. With more awareness we can get to a more rapid diagnosis and treatment. My baby is doing great, gaining weight and getting good reports from the pediatrician and the better I feel the more we are able to bond and the happier I think that he is. Looking back I would have started on medication sooner, but I know what would have really helped is knowing this exists at this level and talking to someone that had been through this experience to tell me that this isn’t completely crazy and it has happened to them, which is the reason I wanted to share my story.

Hi all! I can't believe I am now counting down the weeks in single digits. I can't wait to meet our little angel. Here is my latest pregnancy update...

Restless legs: at night before bed. Not enough to keep me up at night, but present on and off.
Sciatica: was most prominent a few weeks ago - around 28 to 30 weeks, but has since lightened up. I have a little bit of lower back pain just because I have two boys to look after and carry, and also because I'm working out. So I'm demanding more of my body when it feels a bit more vulnerable.
Lower Uterus Cramping: I can't tell if this is round ligament pain or cramping. I haven't had many Braxton Hicks (tightening sensation); just a lot of cramping and/or round ligament pain.
Trouble Sleeping: A bit of this, simply because I am waking up to use the restroom. Also, I am usually a tired person at night and lately, I feel like I have lots of energy before bed. Almost like I am a bit wired. I am still able to fall asleep, but feel like I have more adrenaline pumping than usual.
Hungrier: This also brings me to the fact that I am hungry before bed. I eat my usual diet but feel some hunger urges right before bed. If I have a little snack it helps me nod off a little better, but quite honestly, I feel nasty in the morning. And it
Swelling: not too much swelling, but a little bit. If I am standing for long periods, I feel the fluid retention in my legs. My wedding ring is getting a bit tight, but fluctuates during the day.
Shortness of breath:  I noticed this when I was reading to the boys the other day. I could barely get through a sentence without needing to catch my breath! Weirdly, it doesn't effect me during my workouts.
Vivid Dreams: I had a dream the other night that my mom birthed my baby! How weird and twisted is that? And my mom is the sweetest, non-dominating person ever. I was so upset that I had carried the baby and then she got the glory of childbirth, ha! I also dreamt that it was a boy and we called him the name that we have in mind :)
General Discomfort: yes. I hate to complain because I do love being pregnant, but I am starting to feel uncomfortable. I am starting to feel bloated and fat, ha! A bit more fatigued; just like I want to sit down all of the time. And also soreness from my workouts and from recurring injuries that I've had from the past. They seem to be flaring up from the relaxed ligaments.
Heartburn: Not a ton of heartburn, but I need to be careful not to eat too much food or too quickly. Generally, I can eat a lot more in one sitting than I can at this point in pregnancy.
Frequent Urination: yes! I usually have to leave my workout class once to pee. I also get up in the middle of the night once or twice to pee.

My diet has been okay. I feel like I've been saying this my entire pregnancy. Sometimes I feel like I am doing great, and other times I feel like I am doing not so great. Today, I feel like I am doing not so great. It is getting harder and harder to eat healthy for whatever reason. I think it is because I feel so large that I am more inclined to eat more. Isn't that an oxymoron? I have always been like that. You'd think I'd eat less because I am bigger. But no. I am eating a tad bit more. I also feel hungrier at night; like I am not satisfied before I go to bed. Usually, I would try and just fall asleep, but I tried the other night and I had a very restless sleep. So then the next night, I tried having a little banana, almond butter and milk before bed, which helped me fall asleep and stay asleep, but then I got that disgusting feeling in the morning from eating before bed. Can't win!

On the flip side, I do great in the mornings for breakfast and also for lunch. First thing in the AM, I have a large glass of lemon water, and don't need a whole lot else before getting a workout in. I will take bites off of the kids' meals before I drink my Nespresso pod with creamer, just to ensure I have a little bit of something in my stomach. I feel kind of big and gross in the morning, so it makes me not want to eat. After my workout, I will usually pack something - either leftover gluten-free oatmeal with banana/almond butter or I'll make myself a green smoothie. My lunches are very healthy. Today, I had quinoa, garbanzo beans, chicken, broccoli, sweet potato in a Buddha Bowl topped with some hummus and spicy mayo. Again, I feel that big and bloated feeling after my meals, and didn't even eat that much. Then shortly after I feel hungry again but also have a little bit of heartburn and acid reflux, which makes me not want to eat. Dinners are pretty standard. I try not to overeat to avoid heartburn. And then again, I've been having some dessert after dinner. I wish I didn't but then again, I am pregnant and figure I can treat myself. But then after I do I feel kind of nasty. Such a weird sensation to have all of this nasty, bloated feeling during pregnancy! That is one of the major things I am looking forward to after childbirth - just being able to consume a normal diet. Or wait, is that possible with breastfeeding? :)

As for exercise, I am still working out daily. This is saving me both mentally and physically! Mentally, I need the workout to rid myself of that big, bloated, nasty feeling. I also feel so energized and positive after my workouts. I love it. Physically, I feel good and bad. Again, I feel energized, but also feel that the workouts are making me a bit more achey at this point in pregnancy. I am still maintaining the tabata workouts and modifying when needed. I also love step class and a Kayla workout on the weekend with the hub :).

I walked into the room that will be the baby's room for the first time ( it is a guest room and is generally a room I don't go into often), and it overwhelmed me BIG TIME. I think it stemmed from the fact that I had done nothing to prepare for the baby. So it felt like this big guest room was staring me in the face and it was hard to picture a baby coming home to this room, not to mention to our family! Since, I have slowly gotten the room ready. I washed the baby clothes, folded everything Marie Kondo style, bought diapers and hangers, a changing pad, and really organized the room with all of the pertinent baby gear, books and toys. Now that the room has slowly come together and feels more alive, I am getting more and more excited to welcome a baby into our home! Not going to lie, I was nervous for myself at first, but now that the room is together, I feel a lot more calm and excited about it all. Like really excited!

I am also growing more and more confident about being a mother to three. Some days, I worry about it, but for the most part, I am very excited about how my oldest will handle the transition and I also love the idea that my (now youngest) Vance, will have his older brother for a support system when the baby is here. Last time around, Rhett had no one, but me. So I think it kind of takes the pressure off now that the two older boys have each other, and that they won't be solely relying on me. In addition to that, I am looking forward to my husband taking some time off to be with the boys so that I can be with the baby. I think it will be a really nice welcoming to our transition from a fam of four to a fam of five!

I do think about the postpartum period with respect to myself because of what I have gone through in the past. In the past, I've had a hard time losing the baby weight (I retained it while breastfeeding my second) and I also had postpartum depression/anxiety with my second. So ya, I do wonder intermittently about my postpartum recovery. That said, I try not to obsess about it, and honestly don't. I feel pretty confident that I won't go through postpartum depression this time around. I don't know why, but I just feel good about it. At the same time, I don't want to be naive about it and not have a support system in place should I encounter it again. So, I probably will start looking into therapy and support should it happen again.

When it comes to the baby weight, I feel a bit more confident in knowing that it is possible that I may not lose the baby weight right away and that I might actually hold onto weight while breastfeeding, like I did last time. I think the hardest part about holding onto the baby weight after my last pregnancy was the fact that I worked so hard to maintain my weight and stay in shape during my pregnancy and did so beyond belief. But then after birth, not being able to lose the weight, I felt as if my efforts were almost all for nothing because I held onto the weight while nursing. In addition to that, I hated the unknown of whether or not the baby weight would even come off at all, and if in fact it was the breastfeeding that was causing me to retain it or if I was stuck 15 pounds heavier forever! Needless to say, the baby weight came off after I stopped breastfeeding and also came off from using the Postpartum Slimdown. So now that I know that I may retain weight while breastfeeding and am prepared for that, and also know that the weight will come off, only in a matter of time, I feel more confident going into the postpartum period. At the same time, I know that secretly I have expectations and hopes that I may be lucky this time around and might lose the baby weight magically while breastfeeding. But I don't want to cling to those false hopes only to be faced with weight gain and weight retention. I guess we will see how I handle the situation. All I can do is try to remain positive, but I will say that it is getting harder the more weight I gain in pregnancy.

At 31 weeks, I am 24 pounds! I am really trying to keep my weight in check, but also must come to the realization that a lot of the weight gain is outside of my control. I think the hardest part in gaining the pregnancy weight for me personally, is the fact that I feel fat. I hate that feeling! And then sometimes when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it is a bad angle, I kind of gasp and freak out inside. In saying this, I remember the same thing happening during my last pregnancy; having those same fat feelings. When I look back on my pregnancy photos of times that I felt SO fat, I actually look rather skinny for a pregnant girl. This time around, I am trying not to let my mind go to those negative places, but it can be hard. I really wish I wasn't so obsessed with weight, and I do pray about it and ask for peace about it, and for God to put my mind (and body) where it needs to be. But honestly, amongst women, I do struggle with this big time. The stretch marks don't bother me much, the cellulite doesn't even bother me much, it really comes down to the number on the scale, how my clothes fit and how I FEEL. But anyways, all I can really do is continue making healthy choices, and keep along! Sorry to be all boo-hoo about it, I really want to stay positive, but also want to be real so women can relate who may feel the same way.

I am pretty certain that we are having a boy. I don't know why, but it is almost this comfort thing. The boys think it is a boy and have been calling the baby by our boy name on occasion, and it only feels natural that we would be having a boy. I also think there is a higher likelihood after having the same gender twice that you have the same gender on the third. Not sure if this is true or an old wive's tale. On the flip side, my heart would explode if we had a girl! I wouldn't know what to do with myself, but I would also be over the moon happy. Either boy or girl, we are thrilled to be having a third little one. Please note that I don't have a preference, just a feeling!

Well, here I am at 27 / 28 weeks pregnant! I think this means that I am finally 6 months pregnant.. or somewhere in the ballpark, and just one week shy of the third trimester. Here is my update!

Pregnancy Differences: This being my third pregnancy, it is interesting to note the differences between my pregnancies. And as I close in on the third trimester, I wanted to shortly recap those differences. While my three pregnancies have been very different, they have also been very much the same. My second and third pregnancies have been the easiest; probably the second being the overall easiest in terms of symptoms (or lack thereof) and also the least amount of pregnancy weight gain. After having three pregnancies, I do believe (for me personally) that the two variables of pregnancy symptoms and weight gain correlate, where increased symptoms usually means more weight gain and decreased symptoms means less weight gain.
My first pregnancy was by far the most difficult. I think this is par for the course for most women. With my first, it was difficult for me to feel comfortable at all with the whole idea of being pregnant and pregnancy itself. Thereby, I feel like my pregnancy symptoms were exacerbated by this, and thus my weight gain followed. My body felt out of whack, I ate for two and often past fullness, which is something I assumed you should do when pregnant, especially coming from a person who is somewhat aware of a controlled diet. This increase in caloric intake, partnered with zero exercise (exercise felt unsafe during my first pregnancy), I packed on the pounds, like exponentially and hit over 55/60 lbs by the end of my pregnancy. I was highly dramatic and pretty self-centered throughout the whole process. I probably felt the all-around worst during my first pregnancy, and probably because it was my first pregnancy experience. Sorry Rhett (my first - he turned out perfect and is brilliant, so I don't think it factored in)!
Fast forward to my second pregnancy, and I felt like a pro, especially because my pregnancies were pretty much back-to-back (my boys being 22 months apart). I knew what to expect and also felt very in control, especially with my diet and with weight gain. I also had the right mindset and was committed to having a healthy/fit pregnancy, hopefully with a weight gain closer to 25 pounds. My symptoms were minimal, I was very active and gained about 30 lbs. I kind of say this laughing because my diet was very clean, and I still managed to gain 30 pounds (based on how I was eating and exercising, I probably should have gained much less, but I guess you can't control everything!).
This pregnancy is more similar to my second pregnancy, but feels a little more unfamiliar at the same time, probably because the gap between this pregnancy and my last was larger than the one before. My first trimester morning sickness was pretty bad - maybe more similar to what I felt during my first pregnancy as opposed to my second pregnancy (where morning sickness was present but not particularly bad). I also noticed that my body changed very quickly earlier on with this third pregnancy. I noticed my arms got flabbier and my thighs gained weight as early as the first trimester. In comparison to my second pregnancy, I only started to put on that fat during the final trimester. Albeit, my second trimester has been wonderful in terms of the way I feel - energy and such. I do feel bigger and less mobile in my second trimester as opposed to how I felt during my second pregnancy at this time. It is a bit harder for me to run after my four-year old and keep tabs on my two-year old... so maybe it isn't the fact that I am less mobile, but instead that I have more kids to care for, and they are more active and at an older age than Rhett was at this point in my second pregnancy (he was only 1.5 years old).
So all in all, my second and third pregnancies have been the best. In terms of weight gain, I am about 5 lbs ahead of where I was during my second pregnancy. Overall, I am pretty happy with that! My takeaway is that sometimes your body will gain differently in different pregnancies, and sometimes it really doesn't have to do with food consumption. I definitely ate the cleanest with my second pregnancy, but it was also a lot easier to eat cleaner and I noticed that my body gained slower anyways. I've been eating pretty clean this pregnancy and exercising more than I did during my second pregnancy. I think I've relaxed my diet a bit because I had such a hard time losing the weight after my second pregnancy that the strict conscientiousness of pregnancy weight gain was kind of all for nothing. I mean, yes, I felt amazing during my second pregnancy, but also couldn't lose the weight so it was even more of a let down. Maybe this time because I have more to lose, I will lose it at a more gradual pace rather than getting stuck at a number and retaining it for breastfeeding. I guess time will tell!

Breastfeeding: Speaking of breastfeeding... I have breastfed both of my boys and have LOVED it. Well, I say that I loved it - but it was actually quite difficult to get started with my first. There were a lot of tears and a lot of pain, and I often worried if he was getting enough milk. However, when I got the hang of it, I absolutely loved nursing my first. It was a dream and I nursed well into my second pregnancy, until Rhett was about 15 months. With Vance, breastfeeding came very, very easily. I had only taken about a four month break from the time I stopped nursing Rhett til the time I started back up with my newborn, Vance. The ease of nursing Vance was a dream, and the biggest issue I ran into with Vance was that my body was retaining and even gaining weight. I also had some postpartum depression/anxiety which messed with my milk supply for a short period of time and sort of aggravated the nursing process. Because I struggled and was so confused about my weight, I stopped breastfeeding him earlier than I would have liked - at about 10 months. Still, I feel very proud to have gone this far with him. Given my circumstances, this was the best I could do.
Now that I am going into my third newborn cycle and I feel a bit better equipped given my experiences, I now know that there is a strong likelihood that I may hold onto weight while I breastfeed. I think *knowing* this will make the nursing process a little bit easier on me. Last time, it was so hard on me because I didn't know whether or not it was the nursing that was causing the weight retention. I feared that maybe I wouldn't ever be able to drop the pregnancy weight, and to be honest, that scared me and made me want to stop nursing so that I could see if I could drop the baby weight sans breastfeeding hormones... and I did. It did take my hormones several months (like 5 months) to even out, but once they did, I used the Postpartum Slimdown and was able to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Phew. So I guess in knowing that I may retain weight while nursing on baby number three, but in also knowing that I can and will eventually lose the weight, I feel confident in the nursing process. I hope to breastfeed this baby until about 10 months to a year, depending on how I am feeling. If you are a mother who holds onto weight while nursing, it isn't very fun. I tend to hold strictly fat in my mid-section and thighs. No matter what I do (diet/exercise), the fat stays put. It can be frustrating when you are a person who operates on efforts and results! So I'd like to think that I will breastfeed for a year, but to be honest, not having my body for 2.5 years is a long time. As I am such a huge proponent of breastfeeding, I also believe that a mother's health and well-being is vital. The fact that I nursed Vance shorter than Rhett doesn't bother me. I mean ideally, I would have loved to be one of those mothers who lost the baby weight while nursing (as I did with my first), but that didn't happen to me with my second. So given my situation, I will just play it by ear how long I nurse for. Long story short... I WILL be breastfeeding my baby unless a serious health complication prevents me from doing so and I will breastfeed for at least 6 months. I believe that is a realistic expectation and also what studies show to be beneficial for baby!

Doctor's Appointments: I have the glucose tolerance test on Monday! I will update this portion of my post after the appointment. There is a big part of me that thinks I definitely don't have gestational diabetes, but you honestly never know. So we will cross that bridge when we get there! Update:  I had my glucose tolerance test and omg, the drink was disgusting this time. And this is coming from a girl who actually didn't mind, dare I say liked the drink in times past. Not this time. For whatever reason, I felt nauseated the rest of the day. The syrupy sweetness of the drink was too much and did not sit right with me at all. The good news: I passed! A few days later, I received a call for both the glucose test results and for anemia test results. I passed both, which is very good news. At the doctor, I weighed in at 150 lbs. We checked baby's heartbeat - nice and healthy. Other than that, the visit was very routine.

Baby's Name: I am pretty sure that we have our boy name. I love it - it is unique and strong. We are still working out the girl's name, but I think we are getting close. We have narrowed it down to about 5 names that we like and will go from there or wait to decide once we get to the hospital. There is a big part of me that wants one of the boys to decide. I keep asking their opinion and they playfully respond with their favorite names. Not so sure if they are taking it seriously, but maybe once the baby is here they can really help us nail it down. Ideally, I like to be prepared before getting to the hospital so we don't make a rash decision about the name. I mean, it is going to be this little human's name forever!!... and it is super important. That said, it is baby number three and I would love the boys to see him/her and make the final decision.

Baby Prepping: So we definitely need to get the nursery (baby room) organized. I know that I posted a nursery reveal here, but this is technically Vance's room still and I think we will keep him in there for awhile. Baby's current room is our upstairs guest room. Luckily, we have two guest rooms, so I don't feel like we are losing a guest room and will have nowhere to offer guests to stay. But currently the upstairs guest room is decorated as a guest room, so it has a queen bed and other cute guest room furniture. It looks amazing, so I think we will keep it as such and simply add a crib in the corner and maybe a rocker and a changing table. 
I also still need to go through all of my old baby clothes from the boys and wash them. The other day I opened the box of baby clothes and they wreaked of old baby breastmilk (yuck!!). So I still need to rummage through them, give away old/tattered outfits and organize the remainder in the drawers and in the closet.

Labor + Delivery: I still need to pre-register with the hospital. Update: I pre-registered, yay! I will be delivering at a hospital. I am a huge proponent of this and would have it no other way. I totally respect moms who do things differently, but personally I would never risk birthing outside of a hospital in case a complication arose. My plan is to get the epidural. I have really enjoyed getting the epidural with both of my boys and also feel the pain makes labor so uncomfortable ... I also don't see any benefit or any studies that point to the fact that unmedicated births are scientifically superior to medicated births. Correct me if I am wrong! So yes, I will be getting the epidural. There is a part of me that may try to go for it without one, seeing that my last labor was like 3 or 4 hours with Vance, but I don't want to get ahead of myself. And I honestly don't know why I am considering not getting one. Maybe I will ask them to do just a light dose -  is that possible? Sometimes they way overdose it and your legs are totally numb - I feel like I'd want an epidural light if that is possible! The main reason is I just would love to be able to move around after delivery - but I guess that probably wouldn't be very healthy anyways. Mama needs rest. So we shall see how it goes!

That's all for now. 

​xx

Current Disposition: Feeling great! My energy is totally on point (for the most part); I have my days in which energy isn't at its peak, but don't we all? My mood is pretty upbeat, and just like my normal self. I generally feel like I'm not even pregnant, but then obviously look in the mirror and feel otherwise. 

Body: Yes, I definitely feel the extra weight but it's all part of the program. I certainly feel like my last pregnancy (my second pregnancy) with Vance was my healthiest, but this one is definitely a close second. I will talk more on this in fitness and diet. The aches and pains I was having last week have ceased, which it awesome. Again, I feel that extra weight and a little chunkier even in places like my arms, but not abnormally. ​

Weight: I weigh 143 pounds, which means I have gained 13 pounds since conception and 10 pounds since my 8 week appointment. Not bad, but not as good as my last pregnancy. Last pregnancy, I weighed 138 pounds at this point, but it also was a totally different pregnancy. I was able to control my diet a bit more and didn't gain early on (I think because I was still breastfeeding my first). Again, I'm not as concerned about weight gain because at the end of the day your body is going to do what it is going to do. At the same time, that doesn't mean that I'm totally oblivious to the scale. I certainly let myself give in to cravings, but if I do, I tighten up my diet the next day. It's not a free for all, but it's also not as strict as it was during my first pregnancy. Once again, I end up gaining the most weight in my final trimester. Last pregnancy, I packed on about 17 pounds in the final trimester. This time around, I hope that since I've gained a bit more earlier on that that won't happen again. But who knows. I feel a bit more confident about weight this time around. While never perfect in my ability to handle weight gain, my mindset has certainly improved from time's past.

Fitness: Fitness is totally on point this pregnancy. Amongst my three pregnancies, this pregnancy has been the fittest pregnancy that I have had to date. My first pregnancy I never exercised. My second pregnancy I exercised about 4 times per week; sometimes 3; it really depended on what I had going on. This third pregnancy, I have really committed to getting myself to the gym every single morning, and I totally feel better because of it. Sure, maybe the scale is higher than it was during my last pregnancy, but overall, I feel stronger and healthier. Again, my workouts are mainly a 30 minute tabata class, spinning and sometimes a 3 to 4 mile run or walk (I only do this once per week). I am working out almost every day. On my worst week, I had taken off two days, but generally will get in a workout every day or at least 6 days per week. How have I stayed motivated? Honestly, my Apple Watch has been a HUGE motivator in helping get me to workout on a daily basis. I have the face of my watch set to the workout/activity setting, which tracks movement, exercise and stand goals. I try to get all three of my rings, or goals achieved on a daily basis.

Baby: ​Baby is moving for sure. The movement has slowed down from the initial movement I felt, but pretty consistent and regular enough that I don't worry. As for gender.. I was sure that it was a boy, but I also am not 100% because of how narrow I am carrying. They say that you carry more narrowly with boys, but I don't remember carrying narrow with either of my boys. In fact, I felt like I carrier a bit wider.

Sleep: I've been sleeping great with the exception of the "no sleeping on your back" rule. I tend to be a side sleeper, but for whatever reason, I find myself waking up in the middle of the night on my back, kind of freaking out. I generally don't sleep on my back so it often feels weird that I am tending to that. But overall, I have no pregnancy insomnia and feel pretty energized after a good night's sleep.

Doctor's Visits: My next doctor's appointment will be at 28 weeks, and I am also scheduled for the glucose test. I am almost certainly I don't have gestational diabetes, but you can never be too sure. I thought it was interesting that the doctor said I could eat protein before the appointment; just not carbohydrates. I have an early 9:30am appointment, so it shouldn't be a problem. Other than that, the anatomy scan last week went so well, and I am feeling super confident about baby and my body. When I got the good news that all was well, it made me feel even more confident about having a third, as weird as that sounds. I think I've worried a little bit more during this pregnancy, but all for nothing because I feel reassured at every turn that everything is going smoothly.

Diet: my diet has been both good and bad. One of the biggest changes I have noticed the past week is that I feel like I can't eat as much. I often don't feel hungry, and when I do get hungry, I'll eat but then I can only have a few bites before I need to stop. For instance, I barely ate lunch ( I had hummus and chips), then I had a few bites off of the boys' dinners and a few bites of a cupcake and felt like I couldn't eat anymore. Most often, it feels like it happens at night when dinner rolls around in which my appetite is totally at a loss. Also, if I eat in the mornings, I tend to feel super sluggish, so I really have to pay attention to what I am eating. It also gets tricky when I like to workout first thing in the morning. I haven't quite gotten a routine when it comes to figuring out what to eat in the morning and timing my workout. Usually I don't eat, go to my workout class then have something after.

Oh baby! Planning for a baby the third time around is a little different than in time's past. With the first baby, you have all the feels about baby's arrival... and dare I say, a little bit of an obsession (or was it just me?). When I found out I was pregnant with my first, I was obsessed with planning all.the.things. From a baby shower to my baby registry, I scoured over every detail and poured myself into everything. But because we were currently residing in a one bedroom condo in Georgetown, Washington, DC, I wasn't able to plan my first baby's nursery. The only thing I could plan was the corner of our 'master bedroom', which only fit a mini crib, or a travel crib at best. Despite my lack of space, I made the most of it, but it didn't involve a whole lot of planning.
​
Fast forward to my second pregnancy, and we had finally moved into our first home in Nashville! It was a whopping 3,000 square foot castle and each of my babies had their own rooms. Not only did I get to decorate Rhett's (my toddler's) room, but I finally got my dream of being able to decorate a nursery. One caveat was that we weren't finding out the baby's gender, making it slightly more difficult to plan. But I did my best, and the nursery turned out perfectly. I incorporated much of the same pieces as I did today, using gender neutral greens, browns, blacks and whites.

Now that I am on my third pregnancy, planning a nursery is slightly different. We have moved once again, this time to Dallas and to a 4,200 square foot home! It feels big, but somehow as my boys grow and with the thought of having a third, I feel like I could have even gone bigger (gasp!). Nevertheless, I am so very thankful that we have more than enough space, however, I didn't decorate this house with our prospective third child in mind. His/her room is currently our second guest bedroom upstairs, full of guest room furniture. A queen bed from Restoration Hardware, adorable lamps from Cupcakes and Cashmere, etc. The perfect room to house a guest, not necessarily a baby. And because the room looks so cute already, in my opinion, I am going to wait on changing it until I know more about this baby and his/her personality. Plus, who doesn't love the idea of being able to nurse a baby on a queen bed?
Thus, for the time being, I redecorated Vance's nursery with the thought that maybe the baby would be in here and my two older boys would bunk up together, or maybe the baby would (once again) be in the corner of our upstairs guest room with a crib, and I would leave the decorating until after we found out the gender of the baby. So, if the gender of this particular nursery looks a bit masculine, bare with me! It is Vance's room as we speak, but doesn't mean I can't make it more feminine, adding in some pinks and reds.

Perhaps, one of my favorite things to incorporate in a nursery is wallpaper. It gives it that extra flare that maybe you wouldn't risk in another space, and you get to have fun with it. But because we constantly buy new homes, which means brand new walls, and often don't stay in one home for more than a few years at a time, I wanted something that was a little more temporary. Thus, I turn to removable wallpaper, and have partnered with Sweet Pea Wall Design on this fun, tribal nursery removable wallpaper.
Before trying removable wallpaper myself, I had fears about using it. Would it be easy to install? Would it look as good as regular wallpaper? It is worth the price? Does it really go on as easily as they say and stay up? And can I really remove it without damaging my walls? Suffice it to say, the answer to all of these questions is a big fat YES.
This is the third removable wallpaper that I have installed into a home, and yes, my husband and I have installed them ourselves. And trust me when I say that we are not handy people at all. In fact, we are quite the opposite. But installing removable wallpaper into bedrooms has become a very fun and actually romantic activity for the two of us. The time it takes to install in a normal sized bedroom is probably an hour or so, and all I can say is that it is easier than you think it is. I absolutely loved the way this tribal print turned out and Emily with Sweet Pea Wall Design was a gem to work with.

The crib is the Modo Crib from Babyletto and I love it. The crib sheet is from RH Baby + Child, however, I don't think they sell this print any longer; it is also organic. I love the RH crib sheets because they are organic, super soft and wash nicely, not to mention they are a great price, believe it or not. The leather pillow is also from RH. The Moroccan Pouf is from Houzz. The fiddle leaf tree is from RH, as well. Don't buy cheap fiddle leafs! You get what you pay for.

Not going to lie, but I ripped off the idea of using The Trendy Timber wooden signage from a decor-savvy friend of mine from high school. She posted a photo of her daughter's room on Instagram and I was quick to DM her, inquiring about the adorable sign above her daughter's crib. I purchased directly through their website all for about $140, and totally worth it. It adds a rustic flare and personalization to the room. I plan on getting the new baby one, as well.

When it came to purchasing a nursery glider, the bigger the better is what I thought. Again, by the time I had a nursery to decorate, we were on our second child, which meant that we needed to often fit not one but two kids in the chair. While some of the more dainty, smaller nursery rockers appear to be comfy, I was a seasoned enough mom to know better than to spend money on such a thing. I knew that a rocker is where I would live with my baby, and ultimately read stories to my toddler(s). What I wanted was the biggest and the comfiest chair around. I wanted it to glide and to rock. The only thing I might have missed out on was purchasing a reclining glider - and Pottery Barn Kids actually makes one (my sister bought it)! But, I will say that this Pottery Barn Kids Comfort Swivel Glider (Grand) has been a staple for rocking, reading, playing, napping, nursing, sleeping, and I can't imagine my kids' lives without it! Also, a big shoutout to Mooma (my MIL) for buying it as a baby gift for baby number 2!

I am a big McGee + Co fan and have been following their Instagram and the growth of their company really since its inception. When we bought our first home in Nashville and I FINALLY got to put my decorating skills to the test, there was one piece from their store that I had been eyeing from day one and it was this dresser. Sadly, I don't think they sell it anymore, but at the time, I purchased it from them (although a lot of other retailers carry the same piece) for about $1,000. I've never used a changing table because personally I think they are a waste of money. They cost as much as a fashionable dresser, which are generally way cuter than changing tables, and I usually change my boys on the floor. While this may not be sanitary, I am SUPER careful because I am OCD and like the look of a designer dresser better than a random PB Kids changing table.
As for the art, I purchased from HomeGoods for pretty cheap. The lamp is from Target. The little clock and the little Mexico boots were collected heirlooms. The gold elephant, candle and succulent are from Target and the license plate from Homegoods.

​Well, that is it! Welcome to our baby's nursery... or should I say Vance's nursery. It totally fits the vibe of our family; fun, bright, cheery and a little bit masculine. Sorry, baby girl, you'll get used to it :)

Lots of love! xoxo

I am officially more than halfway through my pregnancy, and it feels great. This past week was pretty exciting with a 22-week doctor's visit and also the much-anticipated anatomy scan. My body is certainly changing and things are "squishier" than normal, as Rhett says. Overall, I am so thankful to be pregnant and can't believe how fast this journey is flying by. I will recap everything here; also, I did add in some questions from my Instagram that people had asked and I wanted to expand upon. Sorry if I repeat myself, just wanted to make sure I answered everything! I'm also a bit tired as I write this, so sorry if I sound a bit drab :) Here we go!

Body: My body is starting to feel a bit achier. Some days are better than others, but normal daily tasks that involve lifting the boys in and out of the car are becoming more of a challenge. I feel a lot of it in my lower back, just from carrying the extra weight and also in my belly. Sometimes it is aggravated when I workout, but the benefits of staying active far outweighs the downside.

Weight: At 22 weeks, I weigh 142 lbs, which means I've gained 12 lbs since conception. This weight gain is within the normal range, projecting me to hit anywhere from 30 to 35 lbs. However, in pregnancy's past, I have gained the majority of my weight in the third trimester and I don't expect this pregnancy to be any different. I do feel like I've gained more fat earlier on. This might be from age (I am 31 years old vs. 27, which I was with my first) and the fact that this is my third pregnancy, so my body is storing more fat earlier. Whatever the reason, I feel decent about my weight gain. I feel slightly worried to a certain level that I may end up around the 40 lbs mark, or even more, just based on my body's cravings and also the way my body has gained the weight so far. Despite that, I am trying my best to maintain a healthy diet and am keeping up my exercise. Not a whole lot more I can do! (More about weight gain at the bottom section in IG questions answered).

Diet: My diet has been okay. I think overall for a pregnant gal I am eating healthy, but as compared to my non-pregnant self, I feel like I am eating a bit more and feel hungrier than I normally would. When not pregnant, I am one of those people that can wake up in the morning, workout and not eat breakfast until later. While pregnant, this isn't the case, I generally am hungry first thing in the morning and feel the need to eat, which is weird. I also feel like I am wanting to eat more at meals. Usually at lunch when not pregnant, I can easily eat a lower carb meal including things like turkey with avocado and Siracha, and call it a day. When pregnant, I feel like I need to eat more - so I'll do things like tuna on a piece of whole wheat bread or a baked bean-filled Siete tortilla with avocado, cheese and lettuce. Not necessarily a whole lot more than I would eat when not pregnant, but definitely more. Additionally, I always crave something sweet after lunch, which feels a bit odd. Same with after dinner. Not sure if I've just gotten into a bad habit or if it is an actual craving. But on a general note, I don't feel like I am overeating or pigging out. I will say that my stomach feels like it has less room in it once again making it difficult to read my hunger signals. So I feel hungry, and then I eat, but don't eat that much because I get full very easily and sometimes even a mild case of heartburn.

Fitness: Still getting in my workouts 5 to 7 day per week at least 30 minutes to 50 minutes per day. I am sticking to my 30-minute tabata class that includes tons of cardio (mountain climbers, jumping lunges, high knees, skaters, burpees) combined with weight repetition in 30-minute intervals. This 30 minute class is just enough to get my heart rate up but also doesn't overdo it as a pregnant mama. I go first thing in the morning to make sure I get it out of the way. My body is feeling heavier, so the workouts are becoming harder, especially because the class isn't easy. I am also a little achey at times, which. makes certain moves harder. Aside from that, I also do spin and run. Overall, I am so glad to be active this pregnancy and definitely feel like it is helping with weight gain and mental outlook. Working out is like an instant boost of endorphins and I am motivated because of how it makes me feel after!

Going from Two to Three: This realization has become a little bit more real. I am trying not to overanalyze how much our lives are going to change with three kids, but I definitely have my moments of wondering. With your first kid, you worry about how your life is going to change with a baby in general. The hardest part in having one kid is that it really does turn your world upside down and forces you to readjust your priorities; and really forces you to grow up. Your kid feels like your entire world, and it's a big responsibility going from caring about yourself to caring for another human. But of course, you want two kids because that's what people do, so you go for a second. With the second, you worry about how your life will change now with two kids, and when you finally have two, you realize how easy it was to have one! Looking back, having one kid was a breeze (if only you could have appreciated it) and two feels like one hundred.
I guess I wonder how this will all change in having three. What I've heard is that once you are used to juggling two, juggling three isn't much different, you just have to learn how to juggle faster. I guess I have those same worries that I did with having two. For instance, how I'm going to give each of my kids the attention they need, and how we are going to manage nap times for the baby while stimulating my other kids and maintaining our adventures. I'm really trying to savor my moments with having two kids, like the fact that I am hands free when I take my kids to an activity; they are basically off on their own, playing, while I sit there and watch/patrol the activity. In a few short months, I will not be hands-free; I will have a baby in my arms while simultaneously watching my two boys!! I'm both excited and a little nervous about this :)

Newborn Thoughts: A girlfriend of mine brought her newborn son (her third) to our MOPs group the other week, and it reminded me why I am going down this road again for the third time. I think this pregnancy has been so different because I now have a four-year old kid and a two year-old kid, verses when I went through my last pregnancy with only a toddler who could barely put together words. It has made me feel more mature going through this pregnancy and thinking less fantasy and more reality. I think in pregnancy, us moms can get caught up in the fantasy of having more children; I know I certainly did when I had my second. This time around, I have been pretty matter of fact that we are bringing a third kid into this world and the craziness that lies ahead. I've been looking forward to the newborn life and meeting another kid, but also very logical about it.
Though, after seeing my friend's baby, I was able to feel that magic of it all and it really lifted my spirits. Not that I was sad about having a third, but I think I have been so logical about it all and so caught up with my other kids, that I haven't had time to really fantasize about the person we are about to meet. But yes, I am getting very excited to have another baby. I can't wait to hold him/her, see what he/she looks like, learn his/her personality. Will he/she be a good sleeper? Will he/she latch okay? How will my labor and delivery be? All of those things, I am mostly excited for, but also a little nervous.. because I really know what is in store for me (and my family)! More than anything you hope that it won't disrupt your life too much, but then again, you're welcoming a baby into the world! It doesn't get much crazier than that :)

Doctor's Visit: I saw the doctor yesterday, at 22 weeks, for a checkup AND for the much anticipated anatomy scan. We started with the anatomy scan. Ryan and Vance were with me, thank goodness, because I was a nervous wreck leading up to it. I went to the bathroom like six times before the appointment out of nervousness. My stomach was in knots for a few reasons. One being the general fear that my baby wasn't developing properly. You hear such crazy stories that my mind couldn't help but wonder, could it happen to me? I also am so thankful to have two healthy kids that I sometimes am like ah I hope everything is okay since I decided to go for a third. Regardless, when I calm these nerves, I realize that God won't give my anything I can't handle. This is morbid, but ever if the baby had died, we would eventually be okay. (oh, the crazy things you think)
I think there was just added pressure because it was with the third baby, which feels like a bonus, and it would have been heartbreaking and kind of preventable. But, once again, I knew in my heart that this all happened for a reason, and I think I was having these crazy irrational thoughts that only come naturally to parents.  
Another thing I always worry about at the anatomy scan is that the ultrasound tech may give away the gender. Again, this wouldn't be the end of the world, but it would for sure be a let down to find out the gender on accident in a way that wasn't intended.
With all that worry, we started the appointment. I kept waiting for the tech to say that she saw a marker, like a cyst in the brain (which happened with both of my boys) or maybe that the baby had dilated kidneys (which happened with Vance) or that she would accidentally call it a "he" or a "she" giving away the gender... but nope. The entire time, she kept saying, everything looks beautiful! Healthy baby. Perfect. Wonderful. Beautiful. With each body part that she saw, she gave a positive affirmation. It really was the best ultrasound experience we've had to date. I walked out feeling so confident in my body and in my baby. And also so thankful that God has given us this opportunity to be parents to yet another miracle child.
Aside from the ultrasound, my doctor's visit was uneventful. She didn't check anything. Simply asked if I had any questions. I reaffirmed that we don't want to know the gender (as I always annoyingly do)! I also asked her about some cramping I was having during exercise. She said as long as the contraction goes away after I stop exercising that it is okay, and that exercising wouldn't cause any pre-term labor (another physician had also communicated this to me). Other than that, everything looks great!

Will you go for a fourth?: I get this question a lot. I think that once you decide to have a third, you are now considered part of the 'big family club,' and people are more apt to assume that since you didn't stop at two, you may not stop at three. I can't say with all certainty that we won't have a fourth, but if I were to give the straight answer now, my answer would be that we are, in fact, stopping at three. Why? I feel like three is the perfect number for me. Again, everyone has a different threshold for how many kids is appropriate for them. I come from a family of two, which I loved, but looking back it might have been fun to have a fuller house. It also might have been way crazier and maybe I wouldn't have liked it. My mom came from a family of four and she didn't love it, which is why she decided to have two. So, it's hard to pinpoint what the "right" number of kids is to have, but I thought three would be nice because it is more than two. It adds another sibling dynamic rather than having only one option for a sibling. I think that sibling personalities can be very different, and hoped that three would give that direct sibling dynamic that comes with two a break just in case someone needs another perspective.
Another reason I decided to go for three is because I felt like I gave up a big part of me to be a stay-at-home mom. My kids are my entire life. I don't have a career to fall back on; I have my kids. Something about that scares the crap out of me, but something about that also liberates me and makes me the happiest I've ever been. I'm a mom! And I am a full-on stay-at-home mom. This is my life; my world, and I felt like because I personally made the decision to stay home with my kids, that I could handle having more. If I worked, I don't know if I would feel this way just because it would be one more thing to juggle. Again, everyone has a different threshold and everyone woman is different. My personal threshold given my career as a SAHM is three. I felt like I could handle more than two, but I also know that I want to be able to have somewhat of a controlled environment and really be able to give my kids quality, quality one-on-one attention, and I feel like I can do that at the number three.
For me, I think I would get overwhelmed with four. I get overwhelmed by unmade beds and a messy house, and also by children screaming 24/7 and quality bedtime routines and bath time, etc. With two its a lot and with three it's going to be even more! .. I can't really imagine life with four, but I can totally, totally see how people have more than three. Children are gifts from God. You get to partake in life's most magical creation, and to stop having kids seems like part of that magic is over, but it is also the beginning of really diving into each child that you do have. So ya, that is the basic answer! 

How do you gain the recommended amount of weight during pregnancy?: This is totally and completely a case-by-case basis, and I don't want people to think my answer is a one-size fits all because it's not. Women are different; our bodies are different; we carry babies differently; we all have unique strengths and weaknesses. I am lucky that I get pregnant super easily. I have generally healthy pregnancies, and birth full-term babies who are at a healthy birth weight. My babies have been good babies; good sleepers and good eaters. I have much to be thankful for! One of my unlucky departments is in the pregnancy weight gain and postpartum weight loss department. I tend to be one of those women who gains quite a bit during pregnancy and carries wide. I get chunkier thighs and a droopier booty. Postpartum, I don't lose weight while breastfeeding and even tend to gain weight. I carry the weight in my belly and thighs and it doesn't come off until I stop breastfeeding. Like I said, we all have advantages and disadvantages when it comes to pregnancy, and I need to be thankful for mine. But can weight gain be controlled? Yes, I think to a certain level, but also no.
I have a unique story in that I gained 60 pounds with my first baby. I started at 130 lbs and topped the scales at about 190 lbs close to delivery. Looking back, I had a hard time handling pregnancy, as I was a first-timer. Morning sickness threw me for a loop and I ate constantly. I also felt like I needed to eat more because I assumed that is what pregnant women did. I stopped working out because it didn't feel right. I ate past the point of being full and often ordered unhealthier dishes because I was pregnant. I wouldn't say that I gorged myself on donuts and ho-ho's because I didn't. I just loosened my diet and packed on the pounds. I lost the weight at a year postpartum through a healthy diet and consistent exercise. I didn't have to try hard; the weight pretty much fell off at a consistent rate. 
With my second, I vowed I would not let myself go. I was 130 lbs when I found out I was pregnant and I had a goal of maintaining a healthy and fit pregnancy. When morning sickness hit, I didn't give in to the nausea with food, instead I worked through it by hydrating and keeping myself busy with other activities. My diet was clean as a whistle and looking back I probably wasn't eating enough, but I also didn't feel the need to. My pregnancy was very easy and my symptoms were not as drastic as my first (and third) pregnancy. I don't want to say it was easy to eat a healthy diet, but I also want to say that I had minimal cravings. My body gained weight at a slower rate, and I think I had a huge part in that because of the choices I made. I was also very active, maintaining workouts at least 4 times per week. Still, I gained 30 lbs. - within the weight gain guidelines.
My first and second pregnancies were very, very different experiences. With my first, I kind of let myself go and with my second, I was very disciplined. With my second, I was more disciplined than I would be if I wasn't pregnant because I knew how quickly my body packs on the weight. So what I would say to moms who want to stay within the recommended weight guidelines, is to come up with a plan before you get pregnant.

1. Compile a diet and exercise plan before you get pregnant, and commit to the idea that you want to gain less weight during pregnancy. This mental framework will set you up for success. It doesn't have to be concrete, but it can be something like "workout 5 days per week for 30 minutes" or "walk 3 miles everyday" or "eat a green smoothie for breakfast, salad for lunch and high protein dinner with minimal dessert" or "hydrate with one cup of water every two hours" or "drink lemon water first thing in the morning". Just setup little rules for yourself that will keep you healthy and in line.
2. Try not to give into food when you start to feel bad. This is especially important during the first trimester. I feel like the first trimester really sets up your weight gain for the rest of your pregnancy. If you gain a ton in the first trimester, it is kind of hard to backtrack. So really commit to leaning on other things when you start to feel nauseas. Trust me, this is going to feel like you are exercising the most will power you have in your entire life when you start to feel queazy, but what I've realized is that eating food doesn't even really make you feel better. You may find relief for a hot second, but then the nausea creeps back in. So instead of relying on food to cure the queasiness, try and think up other things. Things that helped me were... believe it or not, working out, drinking lemon water, drinking a diet ginger ale ( I know the chemicals are bad but it really helped), going for a walk, playing with your kids, watching TV, getting fresh air. Just try and not use food as a crutch, and it should help you to minimize the weight gain. (I understand that some women feel bad their entire pregnancies, and that I cannot comment on! More power to you; just do what you can to get by!)
3. Similar to the last point: try and keep your diet/fitness tight in the first and second trimesters, especially in the second trimester. For me, the second trimester is when I feel the best and there really is no excuse to not eat healthy and to not exercise. Yes, I am pregnant and it is more difficult, but that shouldn't be an excuse to let myself go if I want to gain the allotted weight. So really try and hold it together in those first two trimesters and if you do, I believe you'll gain within the normal range.
4. Workout. Along with helping control weight gain, working out will make you feel better mentally! When I workout, I get so much more energy and feel happier throughout the day and thus make better dietary choices. Also, I tend to feel bloated while pregnant and can get a little depressed about it. If I workout, I tend to feel better about my body and have a better mental outlook. Working out really is a be all cure all!

A few disclaimers... some women gain more than the recommended weight no matter what they do. I believe this! So I don't want to make anyone feel bad that totally disagrees with this. It worked for me to control my diet, but it also didn't work for me because after I had my second baby (even just having gained 30 lbs), I couldn't lose the weight after! For whatever reason my body held onto it for breastfeeding. It held onto like 10 to 15 lbs. It was such a letdown because I had worked SO hard to maintain a healthy weight, and it kind of felt like all for nothing. Not entirely all for nothing because I felt and looked amazing during my pregnancy, but definitely a let down when I retained and gained a bunch of fat for breastfeeding. And this was all while maintaining the same diet and exercise routine. So, sometimes you really can't win. Sometimes your hormones are going to win every time and you just have to be okay with that. Give yourself grace during this time, and know that you aren't alone. I, along with millions of other women out there, went through the same body struggle. Just know that it is all worth it and once your hormones calm down (sometimes well after you stop breastfeeding), you will​ lose the weight!=

Last question, what helped you decide on spacing/timing between kiddos?: Once again, this is totally personal preference so I am just speaking for myself here. My husband and I both come from families in which the kids are spaced about 2 years to 2.5 years apart, except for I come from a family of two (my sister and I are 22 months apart) and Ryan comes from a family of five (all sibling roughly 2 to 2.5 years apart)! I think it comes down to a few things and really is only something you can decide on a kid-by-kid basis. After we had our first, we were so in love with being parents to him, that we couldn't wait to have our second. Once we hit the one year mark with him and started to get into a groove, we were open to getting pregnant and it happened the first time around. I think a lot of the timing had to do with our excitement to grow our family and the openness to it, and the fact that we were lucky/blessed that God allowed us that timing. While I say we are blessed that our first two are twenty-two months apart, it also came with a lot of challenges. Having two kids is freaking hard and having them so close together is even harder.
After we had our second, I went in and out of wanting to have a third. After our second was first born, I thought hell no, we are not having another kid (because the newborn stage is freaking hard and I was so sleep deprived), but after we got out of the newborn stage, I was quick to knowing that I wanted another baby. I wanted to have three kids for the above reasons that I just talked about. That said, I wasn't ready to dive in right away. I knew that I needed a little bit more time than I had had with the first two, so when Vance turned one, I still wasn't open for business.
It took me a little bit of time to really feel like I could handle three. At the same time, Ryan and I both really wanted the kids close together. I imagined the age gap between my oldest, who will be a little over 4 when the new baby gets here, and I didn't want that age gap to be too big. My dad comes from a family of three; the first time are closer in age and the third is several years born after the second. My dad's oldest sister commented that having the third sister so far in age was hard and wished she was closer.
So the way I saw it was that I wanted us all to be a super tight knit family (not that you can't be with a further age gap), but I think my personal belief is the longer you wait sometimes the more that child may feel like an only child. The goal in having three kids is that all of our kids would be able to be doing life together. That they would be in school together, involved in activities together and all that. Not just for their own sakes, but for the sake of my husband and I. I'm sure there are SO many benefits to waiting, but I feared that if I waited, I wouldn't want to have a third. I also feared going through the baby stage again after we were so far past it. I still feel like I am in the thick of being a mom to kids under five and I wanted to keep that groove going. I didn't want to have to go, then stop then restart again.
Once again, this isn't to say that people who wait are wrong for doing so. I think that there are plenty of benefits to both, I just saw so many personal benefits for exactly what we wanted out of having three kids, and what made the most sense for our family was to have them all pretty close together!

Today I am in the final day of the 18th week of pregnancy, so figured I'd begin talking about my 19 week pregnancy update! Here we go...

Doctor's Visits: I'll start with doctor's visits since I recently had my 18 week appointment last Tuesday. My health checked out great - blood pressure was in range and weight was healthy. I've gained about 6 to 7 pounds since my 8 week appointment, but 9 lbs since pregnancy test results. I will talk more about my gains in the "weight" section! We heard baby's heartbeat at 150 BPM. Doctor said baby was nice and healthy in there! I also had blood drawn for spinal bifida, which came back negative. Thankful for those results. To be honest, the appointment was quite uneventful. I mean, I was SO excited to hear baby's heartbeat because I get nervous between each appointment, wanting to know that he/she is healthy in there, so hearing the heartbeat made for the appointment, but other than that, it was a rather boring appointment ha! The doctor looked at me as if to say, "Do you have anymore questions?" I tried to think of something to ask her, but honestly couldn't think of anything. We did talk about my weight (of course), and I told her I was about 4 pounds heavier than I was with my last pregnancy at this point, but she insisted that my weight was completely find and on track. I will be seeing her at 22 weeks and at that point we will have the anatomy scan, so prayers for that appointment for sure!

Overall Energy: My energy feels great! I am sleeping like a rock, mostly 9 hours+ at night. The only thing that wakes me up is to use the restroom. I think I pee either once or twice per night, which. honestly isn't that bad. Sleep is great, so I can't complain, and on most days my energy is plentiful.

Workouts: Still working out almost every day, although last week I had a few hiccups because Rhett was sick with HFM for the first time! We had to take a hiatus from all of our routine daily play activities, including my trips to the gym. I was super bummed about this, selfishly, because working out makes me feel SO good, and I also love to workout first thing in the morning before we get our day started together. With him sick, we were mostly stuck at the house. I'm not great at motivating myself to workout at home and because of that, ended up working out a few less days than I would have liked to. Now that he is better, I am back on track. I have still been doing spin, but have found a newfound love for the body shred class. It is a thirty-minute tabata type class, and it is awesome. I still do most all of the exercises - burpees, squats, jumps, etc. The only thing I try to avoid is the ab portion, although I still do planks, which I read are actually good during pregnancy (correct me if I am wrong). I am still spinning on occasion, but am starting to feel a little uncomfortable on the bike. Second trimester is known for round ligament pain, and I'm definitely having some painful sensations in my lower abdomen if I workout too hard. For instance, I was running the other day and had to stop because of the pain. Just trying to pay attention to my body and switch up my routine when it's called for, but overall, happy with how active I have been this pregnancy!

Diet: My diet has been pretty good. I've noticed it is a little bit harder to dictate my hunger sensations and also my satisfied sensations. What I mean by this is that I am less in-tune with how hungry my body is and how full it is.  Generally, when I'm not pregnant, I am very in tune with this aspect of my body, which makes eat easy to eat when hungry and stop when full. However, when I am pregnant, something happens - whether it is my hormones or the increased energy used by my body to grow baby - that is making it hard to read hunger signals. That being said, I think overall I am doing a great job with my diet. I am not overly strict, and allow myself to munch on things maybe that I wouldn't otherwise munch on - like the kids' gluten-free pancakes in the morning or a spoonful of almond butter during the day, but I wouldn't say that I'm going overboard. In fact, I think I have a good balance when it comes to diet. The problem for me is that when I become pregnant, the weight sticks to me like glue. So I could be eating as I would when not pregnant, and if I decide to indulge, the weight sticks. I try not to beat myself up over this, but it can become disheartening when you feel as if you are eating SO healthy, and any sort of imperfection in my diet packs on like 5 lbs. I know this is part of pregnancy, it just feels a little unnatural. I've noticed that a lot of the weight has already packed on in my thighs, but and lower back, and even my arms - a place I generally seldom carry weight. Thighs are to be expected for weight gain, but in my arms?? Come on! Anyways, I've somewhat come to terms with the fact that as long as I make healthy decisions, I am making a good decision for my body and my baby. Other than that, there is not much I can do about pregnancy weight gain. God is for sure in control of this one, and my body knows what to do to keep baby healthy. Sometimes I just wonder how some women stay so effortlessly thin while pregnant, and also lose the weight so fast during the postpartum period. And no one can sit here and tell me that it is because of diet! While I believe that a healthy diet is a HUGE reason for pregnancy and postpartum weight gain/loss, I also think that are far more other important factors that play an even bigger part. For instance, I know some girls that drop weight like crazy while breastfeeding, and others retain or even gain weight while breastfeeding. It is the weirdest conundrum, and I wish I could figure out the reasons why it happens. I have been on both sides of the situation, having lost a ton of weight while breastfeeding my first son, and then having gained weight while breastfeeding my second son. I guess we will see what happens with baby number three, although I'm not holding my breath for rapid weight loss!

Weight: 139/140 lbs. I am holding onto the 130's for dear life!! Since I hit the second trimester, I have been gaining at a steady 1 lbs per week, which is what every single doctor would recommend during pregnancy. I guess the annoying part is that given my past history with pregnancy weight gain, I generally gain the MOST in the third trimester. And sometimes in the second trimester, I even lost weight or held onto the same weight for a long period of time. For example, when I was pregnant with my second, I was 135 lbs in the second trimester until like 22 weeks or so. This time, I am already pushing 140 lbs an I'm only 19 weeks. I know I shouldn't be concerned, I know how much I gain in the final trimester of pregnancy, so I try to keep the weight underwraps until then. Maybe I will gain less in the third trimester this time around? I guess we will see? I have a theory, also, that the reason my weight held so steady in my second pregnancy is because my pregnancies were back-to-back and also because I was still breastfeeding my first son through the first several months of my pregnancy with my second son. This could have impacted by hormones, thus causing a lower weight gain in the second trimester. Just a theory :)

Baby Movement: Feeling baby move is SO exhilarating! The movement started around 17 weeks and I try to track it and feel at least some movement daily, which I have. I obviously am not at the stage where you can see the movement from the outside, but I can certainly feel the movement from the inside. This baby is active, but I can't tell how active. My next door neighbor just had her third boy and before she gave birth (they didn't know the gender), she predicted it was another boy based on how active he was, and surprise, it was another boy. Based on how active this baby is, I think it might be another boy, but I guess we shall see!

Boy or Girl: No idea at this point. Most people think a little girl is on the horizon, which would totally shock my heart. We still don't have a girl name that totally blows my mind away, but again, we do have our boy name and it does blow my mind. I remember having this vivid moment when I was at the end of my pregnancy with Rhett as I was walking to class on the Georgetown campus, about his name... on my walk it hit me in that moment what his name was going to be and it was almost like it was predestined. At that point, we loved our boy's and our girl's name, but for some reason the boy's name stuck out so vividly. I love our current boy's name so much and would love to use it - so weird. I just need to find a girl's name that I am equally excited about! I guess when you don't find out the gender of the baby, the next best thing to feeling close to your little one is knowing what his or her name will be if it comes out that gender. Knowing the boy's name almost makes me feel a little closer to the baby if it were a boy; while not having a girl's name makes it hard to fathom. Not sure if that makes sense. But, I would LOVE a little girl (especially if she looks like me haha!!). If she looks like Ryan I would be so confused!! The desire for a girl was somewhat solidified this weekend when we were at the book store and all the boys wanted to look at were superhero books or Star Wars book or fighting books or Pokemon books. In that moment, I considered how fun it would be to have a little girl who I could take over to the princess section! While I always wanted a family full of boys, sometimes there is no room left for girly stuff - although my boys do make me feel like a princess every so often :)

Belly Size: so it felt like my belly popped right at 8 weeks and since felt like it has grown. Even the other night, my husband commented on the fact that I looked pregnant in my belly! I asked him if I really looked pregnant or if he was just saying that. And he was like, wait do you want me to tell you you look pregnant. This time, I was like, yes!! I want to look pregnant! At least in my belly lol. Then literally this morning I woke up and it felt like my growing belly has somehow disappeared! Maybe the baby just switched positions on me? Honestly, I don't know how I look so not pregnant today and looked so huge yesterday. Such a weird conundrum.

Final Thoughts: Overall, I am so happy that I am pregnant with our third baby. I took the boys to the zoo this morning and as we were driving home, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by happiness. I thought, I am so lucky that I have two beautiful little boys in the back of my car and a belly full of another on the way. I am one lucky mama. I also had another thought that I can't imagine not being pregnant again, but whooaaaa, I need to stop myself way ahead of the game. I'm pretty sure that three will be plenty for the home and heart to handle.

Until next week!

​xx

Every modern-day mama, knows that cleaning products are to be considered both during pregnancy and with young children in the home. "Dirty" cleaning products wreak havoc on your endocrine system, and are a known contributor to cancer, autoimmune responses and other ailments.  Especially during pregnancy, the first thing I would switch out is my cleaning products! But we all know that is easier said then done, especially when our nesting response kicks in. So, how do you stay away from cleaning products during pregnancy?
First, give yourself an excuse to clean less. I said it. Rather than wiping down the counter with disinfectant nightly, try wiping it down with water or consider using Norwex cloths, which are chemical-free, microfiber cloths that incorporate natural antibacterial properties to clean by adding water. If you just can't stand it and need the chemical clean (which I am guilty of), consider using a safer alternative, such as The Honest Company or Mrs. Meyers products. Or, take it one step further and hire a housekeeper every so often. This will keep you away from harsh chemicals, while also keeping your house in tip-top shape. Whether you or a housekeeper are using the products, I always opt for cleaner options. Here are a few of my favorite brands:

The next thing I would consider switching up is your skincare routine. Personally, I don't take chances with skincare products, which is why I use (and sell) Beautycounter. Beautycounter is, yes, a multi-level marketing company that sells skincare and cosmetics products that are safe to use during pregnancy and breastfeeding. That isn't the company's only bottom line though, it was founded with the intent of getting safer skincare into the hands of everyone, not just us pregnant women. This is why Beautycounter ensures their products are not only safe, but that they are also effective. The line isn't 100% organic because Beautycounter argues that not all synthetic chemicals and ingredients are harmful. Similarly, Beautycounter argues that not all organic ingredients are beneficial. The key is to include the right ingredients that are safe for your body, that will also leave your skin glowing and radiant. 
I still like to look beautiful and glowing during pregnancy, which is why I have invested BIG TIME in Beautycounter and their respective products. Here are a list of my favorite products:

• Beautycounter Overnight Resurfacing Peel ($58): includes hyaluronic acid and glycolic acid. Replace your retinol or any other peels for this. Use nightly or 3-4 nights per week.
• Beautycounter Countersun Mineral Sunscreen Lotion SPF 30 ($39): your skin is extra sensitive during pregnancy, which is why I am so obsessed with this sunscreen. It is not only clean, but is also has 19% zinc. Whoa.
• Beautycounter No. 1 Brightening Facial Oil ($69): I use this morning and night for dewey skin. My skin drinks it up. It includes tons of essential oil, and was also named an Allure favorite in 2017.
• Beautycounter Countercontrol Clean Pore Cleanser ($26): my skin gets slightly more oily during pregnancy and is prone to breakouts. If you do too, this is a go-to with clean ingredients.

If you vehemently despise MLM companies, check out the Drunk Elephant. 

As a daily makeup wearer, I failed to change up my makeup routine with my first two pregnancies... and I regret it, majorly. Yes, my two little boys are perfectly healthy, but there is something about makeup (heavy metals, lead, etc.) that sets off a flashing red siren when it comes to things I am cognizant of during this third pregnancy. Because I wear makeup everyday, I need to be even more scrutinous of things like foundation, which goes all over my skin! Again, this is why I have invested in selling Beautycounter. In addition to their skincare/bodycare line, they also have a makeup line. The products are 100% safe during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and are also made to enrich your skin. So when you wear your makeup, you are not only doing your body (and your baby) a favor, you are doing your skin a favor, as well. Hello, anti-aging makeup during pregnancy!
When it comes to makeup, be smart with what you choose to invest in and don't break the bank on things that may make a minor difference. For instance, I feel that foundation is extremely important to switch out because I wear it daily and I put it on all over my face. Alternatively, mascara goes on the ends of my lashes, so if I had to pick and choose, I would choose to switch out foundation over mascara. However, it all adds up, again which is why I have totally reinvented my makeup routine with Beautycounter (at least for the time being).
Also - a heads up if you are a heavy makeup wearer like myself, Beautycounter is a lighter finish and a lighter look. While at first, I wasn't sure I could get used to the look and feel of the makeup, I have grown to love it. I can no longer put my old products on my face. One, they totally destroy my skin with how much progress I have made since switching over to Beautycounter. Two, they feel so heavy now that I am used to the lighter, more natural feel of Beautycounter.
​Here are a few of my favorites that are part of my daily routine:

• Beautycounter Tint Skin Hydrating Foundation ($42): Literally can't live without this lightweight foundation. My skin feels fresh and clean, and kissable while wearing it. Not to mention, it helps improve your skin with the inclusion of hyaluronic acid. I wear Linen.
• Beautycounter Matte Bronzer ($40): I apply this over my foundation then blend it all together with a mineral powder. My sister even likes this bronzer and she isn't necessarily all about "clean" stuff. Important to use clean bronzer because colorants are known to have heavy metals.
• Beautycounter Dew Skin Moisturizing Coverage ($45): so usually I mix this with the tint skin to get the perfect color on a daily basis. Mixing the two is quite optimal. Otherwise, if I am running out for a workout or to drop the kids off, I throw on the dew skin.
• Touchup Skin Concealer Pen ($33): can't live without this. This was on of the products that I had to get used to at first, but now that I use it regularly and my undereye circles and wrinkles have improved, I can't go a day without it.
• Beautycounter Powder Blush Duo in Bloom/Tulip ($42): Love this color and again, ensures I am not putting heavy metals into my system with unhealthy colorants.
• Beautycounter Eyeshadow Duo in Peach/Bronze ($35): I am all about the bronzes and this color looks amazing with my green eyes. 
• Beautycounter Volumizing Mascara ($29): another thing that I wasn't sure I loved, but then have grown to love is the mascara. It provides a full finish, yet a natural look. I feel like I look prettier because I look more natural with this mascara as opposed to my MAC. Mascara is actually more important that you think because regular mascara usually includes things like paragons, aluminum powder, ethanolamines and specifically TEA. These ingredients either disrupt hormones, contribute to neurotoxicity, adjust pH levels or cause inhibited fetal brain development. No thank you.
• Beautycounter Lip Glosses ($29): BC lipglosses are my absolute favorite. Once again, wasn't sure I liked at first but have grown to LOVE and cannot live without. They are light and kissable but the colors are incredible. BC used to have a Nude Trio set that was my absolutely favorite. I think they sold out, but colors such as Bare Shimmer and Bellini are amazing. 

Another category that is super important, seeing that your skin is the largest organ, is products that come in contact with your body, aka what you keep in the shower. Truth be told, I never switched out my shampoo and conditioner for a safer alternative because I could never find one that worked equal to or greater than my current routine. Enter Beautycounter. The Beautycounter Daily Shampoo is actually what sold me on the company. I rationed that if they could figure out something as complex as shampoo and make it effective, their line must be something to consider, and I was right. Lo and behold the rest of the bath and body products are nothing short of incredible. In fact, a lot of people consider this to be a highlight of the Beautycounter line, including people like Gwyneth Paltrow. Here are a few of my favorites...

• Beautycounter Daily Shampoo ($23): this got 5/5 stars and is a great price point. Makes my hair super soft. Sul-fate free and includes things like coconut oil.
• Beautycounter Daily Conditioner ($23): free of preservatives; I only put this on the tips of my hair, otherwise my hair gets too greasy. Just a heads up!
• Beautycounter Body Wash in Citrus Mimosa ($25): sulfate-free; made from pure plant botanicals and essential oils. An easy switch for $25; great smelling and great feeling. It almost looks like conditioner when you squeeze it out of the bottle, but lathers so nicely.
• Charcoal Cleansing Bar ($25): one of my all-around favorites for cleansing under arms and such. Not to mention, because it is black, I can get my husband to buy in and wash his body and face with it! Paraben and fragrance free; made with coconut oil and organic greens tea, and of course Japanese binchotan charcoal.
• Countermarch Adaptive Body Moisturizer ($39): most amazing body lotion.
• Beautycounter Body Oil in Citrus Rosemary ($75): something I felt like I could live without until I started using it. I mix one pump with the above moisturizer for the ultimate skin rejuvenation. This is also great for pregnancy and stretch marks, keeping your skin super moisturized is key to preventing them. I will be using this on my belly and hips for the entirety of my pregnancy! Plus super clean with a blend of 13 botanical oils.

Supplements are a category that I see as super important for prenatal (and also postnatal) health. Generic prenatal vitamins include unhealthy fillers, don't absorb as well and can actually contribute to a toxic buildup in your body if they don't include the correct form of supplementation. For instance, if you have the MTHFR gene mutation and take a vitamin that includes folic acid rather than folate, the folic acid can buildup in your system causing toxicity. Not only that, your body is unable to absorb and breakdown the folic acid, which in turn means your baby isn't getting the benefit that is so important for development. Instead, physician grade supplements ensure that you are getting all of the right and up-to-date nutrients when it comes to your prenatal vitamin.
If you are interested in taking our prenatal vitamins, which are all physician grade, you can check them out here. We require that you fill out a health questionnaire, which you can find here. This is because our supplements are physician grade! Not everyone is able to get their hands on them and it is technically a practitioner/patient basis that we sell them based on.
Here are the vitamins that I take:

• Designs For Health Prenatal Pro Essentials Packets
  • includes a prenatal vitamin, omegas and osteoforce supplement
• Designs For Health: Hi-Po Emulsi D3
• CALM: I would recommend this supplement to everyone if I could! Magnesium has really changed my life, especially when I was going through postpartum depression and anxiety. Magnesium is known as the calming mineral and that is exactly what it does. I take this before bed every night. I sleep like a pup and it keeps me regular, if you know what I mean ;)

I recommend downloading our Postpartum Slimdown Guide, even if you aren't pregnant. You won't be able to partake in the detox/product portion of the program, but there are some helpful tidbits about diet in the 21-Day Maintenance portion of the program. This includes a long list of foods to avoid and why. I won't go into why, but here is the list. If you are interested in reading, please checkout our guide!! Foods to avoid:
​

• Artificial Ingredients
• Trans Fat + Saturated Fat
• Sugar, white and refined carbohydrates
• Dairy
• Gluten and Cross Reactive Grains
• Alcohol (duh)
• Caffeine

While dairy and gluten may not necessarily be things you must avoid during pregnancy, I've felt it important to at least so how my body reacts to both of those food groups. Personally, I do best while not consuming dairy or gluten. That said, dairy can be very beneficial during pregnancy. Gluten, eh, probably not so much. I say just trust your body and don't try to cut out too many food groups if you aren't used to it! If you are used to cutting out things like gluten and dairy, I'd say give it a try during pregnancy and at least try to consume these food groups in moderation.

Okay, these may seem like a big jump and I may lose some people on this one. Not to mention, whole home water filtration systems cost around $3,800. So why is it so important to get a whole home water filtration system and at the very least a reverse osmosis water system for drinking water? Well, Hayley Cate has a whole post on why tap water is bad during pregnancy; you can read it here.
Basically, bacteria and nitrates can make their way into our water and potentially the following harmful elements:
​

• Mercury
• Lead
• Chlorine
• Fluoride
• Synthetic Estrogen
• Antiobiotics

These are obviously bad for your body and your baby. Mercury and lead are classified as heavy metals, which are a big no-no during pregnancy. Why? Toxic levels of heavy metals can displace essential minerals and may affect the development of your baby during pregnancy. High chlorine consumption has been found to be linked to a variety of ailments including various cancers, reproductive problems, problems with the immune system and heart attacks. Antibiotics, on the other hand, wreak havoc on your body's microbiome, killing both good and bad bacteria. Good bacteria in your body during pregnancy is necessary and also shapes your baby's development of his or her microbiome.  And synthetic estrogen? Dare I go further.

Now that we know that tap water or unfiltered water is problematic, especially during pregnancy. What can you do to help it? Opt for filtered water if feasible.

Two Most Common Water Filter Technologies:

• Carbon filters (pitcher, tap-mounted or large dispenser) are affordable and can reduce many common water contaminants, like lead and byproducts of treatment processes.
  • Order online for around $100.
  • On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the least contaminated) this rates at about a 6.
• Reverse osmosis filters remove contaminants that carbon filters can't eliminate, like arsenic and perchlorate (rocket fuel), but can be costly- around $1000. Yikes!
  • Perchlorates can be harmful to your thyroid. Mamas who are pregnant or who are wanting to get pregnant- an underactive thyroid can affect conception.
    • On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the least contaminated) this rates at about a 9​

Alrighty, ladies... that's it for now! Hopefully I didn't scare you away, but if you're into this stuff (like I am), it is interesting and worthwhile to invest in you and your baby's health. And it starts at pregnancy. Do what you can to start your little one ahead of the curve. Health is their birth right!

xx,

​Brooke Ila

Hi mamas!
Today marks 17 weeks along my pregnancy journey! I am feeling incredible, fully like myself again, but at the same time am starting to look pregnant... and not just from the side, if you know what I mean. We will get into all of that good stuff here in this blog post, so might as well get started talking about my 17 week pregnancy update; here we go...

Current Disposition: Overall, I feel totally and completely like myself - woo hoo! Energy-wise, mood-wise, and personality-wise. I feel like I keep saying that from week to week since 15 weeks, but it feels like it's getting better and better. At 17 weeks, I mentally don't feel like I'm pregnant. I kind of wake up and go about my day, and tend to forget that I have a baby brewing inside of me. On the flip side, while my mentality is going strong, my body feels fully pregnant ha! I will talk more about this in the body section.

Boy or Girl?: Most of you know that we are not finding out the gender until delivery. Again, this is something that Ryan and I did with both boys and because of our history with it, we've decided to keep the tradition alive. I don't need to reiterate, but there is something so special about waiting til the day-of to meet your little bundle of joy and to find out who he or she is. So where does that leave me in terms of my own thoughts about gender? Well, I haven't the slightest clue! Lately, I've been feeling like this baby is a girl. Almost completely sure that it has to be a girl given the odds that we already have two boys. I mean, right? With two boys, how can we possible get another little boy? Currently, the room that will become baby's nursery is somewhat geared towards a little girl, so I think I presumably feel like it has to be a little girl. With that said, we have no clue what our girls name would be and alternatively, we have the strongest little boys name. I've heard variations of it, but have only heard this version of his name once on a documentary (which is actually where we got the idea for the name!). I love this name so much that I almost hope we have a little boy. Is that weird? Also, I think I feel more comfortable with the idea of having a boy, but then I quickly give it to God and say, "Just give us what you think we need to complete our family... (or even not to complete it), but to make it exactly how HE wants it." Giving up the gender - out of my control - makes me stop and remember that this baby's gender isn't about me. It is about glorifying God on this earth and teaching me more about who I need to be in order to glorify Him. Even still, if you asked me ​what I want (a boy or a girl), I honestly couldn't give you a straight answer. And that is from my heart of hearts!

Diet: Okay, so my diet has been crap the last week. I mainly attribute it to the fact that we had family in town for Vance's second birthday party. That meant that I was off of my normal routine and was faced with opportunities to eat more crap, such as leftover birthday cake in the morning, bagels with cream cheese for breakfast, heavier dinners, more sugary drinks, and so on. Generally, I am able to control my diet in these types of situations, but for whatever reason (maybe the fact that I am pregnant), I let myself go a little. Doing so, I can definitely feel the excess weight on my body. Yes, I am pregnant which means more weight, but this weekend caused an even bigger weight gain, in my opinion... which is totally fine, just means I need to get back on the horse and continue on with my pregnancy and health journey.

Weight: As for weight, I am still within the healthy range of weight gain, but on the upper end, which gives me reason to tighten up my diet a little bit over the next month or so. I believe at 17 weeks pregnant that I should have gained between 5 and 8 pounds, and I have gained about 7 - at 136/137 lbs. Not bad, but also not great. I do go to the doctor next Tuesday, which means a real weight checkin, but honestly their scale is always a pound or two heavier than my own, so I usually just go with my own scale!

Nursery: Currently trying to figure out how I am going to house this little babe. Right now, we have two guest rooms in our house; one downstairs and one upstairs. The baby is planning on going in the upstairs guest room, which is currently setup with a queen bed and cute furniture. While I'd love to space plan a nursery, I am also trying to get creative with how I am going to do it without moving the queen bed in and out. What I am thinking of doing is just keeping the bed in the nursery for nursing and for reading, since we have a huge playroom a few steps away that can be used for tummy time and the like. Anyhow, currently the room's colors are black, grey, cream, pink, blue and purple. I know, totally girly. Again, I think I may leave it until he or she gets here ( I totally almost called it a SHE by the way! Which I never did in my past pregnancies with my boys.. they were always he even though we didn't know the gender). Anyhow, we will indefinitely be doing a nursery reveal whether it is making over V's current nursery or redoing the new nursery altogether. Stay tuned!

Exercise: As for exercise during this pregnancy, I am crushing it! No, I am not working out everyday, but pretty dang close to it. What do I do for exercise? Generally, I do spin class a few times per week, maybe some barre, a tabata class and throw in a few 30 minute 3 mile runs. All in all, I workout either 5 to 7 days per week. I'd say that is pretty good for a pregnant lady. Also, to make my workouts more manageable and comfortable, and given my round ligament pain, I have partnered with Baobei Maternity and am using one of their ProBump Pregnancy Belly Support Bands. So far it has helped reduce round ligament pain and discomfort SO much. During my second pregnancy, I had to stop running at 20 weeks pregnant given extremely painful round ligament pain. Thus, I am hoping this belly band will help to prolong my runs into pregnancy, if possible.

Feelings About Going From Two to Three: In the first trimester, I had the worst anxiety about our decision to have a third. Looking back, I fully think it stemmed from how lethargic and nauseous I felt. Because I felt terrible and thus unable to care properly for my two sons, my thoughts shouted, "And you're having a third?? How is that going to be possible when you can barely take care of these two boys?" Yes, Satan shouting in my ear constantly. I was filled with doubt and sometimes bitterness. But, after hearing a mom speak at a MOPs talk, she reminded me that doubt is not believing that God will get it right, while bitterness is believing that God got it wrong. Ummm hello, Brooke! God got it right, and I prayed for him to show me a sign, when I should have known that Him putting it on both my husband and my heart to get pregnant was our sign... AND THEN me getting pregnant was the ultimate sign!! But to stop and think that he got it wrong... oh no, no he did not. And like I said, I really think this notion stemmed from the fact that I felt so helpless during the first trimester. My boys were watching so much TV, something that I rarely let them do during the day... they literally get like 45 minutes of screen time at night, if that. But compared to us parking in front of the television screen first thing in the morning until the afternoon and sometimes until my husband got home, it felt like a lot. I began to feel like a failure as a mom. What I needed was to give myself a big dose of grace, and to reiterate to myself daily that God certainly got it right, and that I needed to parent with the cadence of my capability at the time. And at that time, during the first trimester, I wasn't able to do much as a parent.. and you know what? That is okay! I am growing a baby and with that comes setbacks, but ultimately, this baby is going to be the biggest gift to our family and also to my two little boys. I just know it. All in all, I feel very confident going into this third pregnancy with the idea that we will add a third kiddo to the crew. I do have some reservations about Vance, my youngest, because he is SUCH a mama's boy right now. Literally, he won't go to sleep unless I read him stories and rock him to bed... no one else. If Ryan tries to do it, Vance will wail, crying out, "Where's mommy??" And only calms in my presence. He also loves physical touch - totally his love language - and loves being close to me or having me hold him. I've also noticed moments in which he becomes a bit jealous of other kids, even Rhett sometimes, if they get too lovey with me. So ya, I am a little lost at how I am going to handle him no longer being the baby and having to share myself with him and another, but I also know that I will find a way. Rhett, on the other hand, is cool as can be. The joys of him getting older and more mature! He is so excited about meeting the baby. He really could care less. In fact, he is more excited to attend his big boy school next year than anything else!

That is all for now mamas! Please leave me comments with where you are at on your own journey. I love reading them and having a community along the way. Stay tuned for next week!

xx,

Brooke Ila

Photos: Jessica Valentine Photo

Hi ladies! Whoa. I can't believe I am already 16 weeks today, but also feel like the 40 week mark is so far away. Doesn't pregnancy always go so fast, yet so slow? I just keep reminding myself that it's a long journey until the end and that the wait is actually a gift. It means more time to experience the miracle that pregnancy is, and also more time with my two boys because we all know how crazy the first year of motherhood is when adding a new baby to the crew. Nevertheless, I wanted to update y'all on where I'm at with my third pregnancy adventure at 16 weeks! Here we go...

Current Disposition: Mentally, I feel so much more like myself. In the first trimester, I definitely had some pregnancy blues. I felt a little down, a little distant, a little less like myself. I was not motivated to do any sort of work, and I felt helpless in the sense that I couldn't take care of my kids like I normally can.
I can't point at what actually caused these pregnancy blues. It could have been the grey skies that persisted in Dallas through the winter season for, what felt like, several months. It also could have been my changing hormones; hormones can make you feel a little down and not like yourself, and that might have been the culprit. It also could have been the fact that I felt horrible; nauseous, sick to my stomach and fatigued beyond being able to lift an arm to put on a show for the kids. Whatever the cause of my pregnancy blues, suffice it to say that they are gone. Woo! At 16 weeks, I feel energized, motivated, happy; almost as if I'm not pregnant.
The weather has also changed and spring has sprung here in Dallas, which is making me feel even more joyful. I wake up with energy, and feel like I can and want to workout. I also want to play with my kids and get outside with them to adventure as much as possible! Also, the mental weight of having three kids isn't weighing as heavily on me, as it did in the first trimester. I attribute this feeling in the first trimester to my inability to care for my two boys properly; so the thought of adding a third seemed insurmountable. Now that I am out of that funk, I'm starting to feel like supermom once again. Having three kids is indefinitely the path that God has laid out for me, and one that I can absolutely thrive in. This is what I was made to do!

Energy Level: Okay, so I just talked about this, but yes, my energy is definitely back. I feel *that* second trimester energy that I love and adore from my prior pregnancies. I was hoping it would hit right around the 13 week mark, but this time around, it took me until (really) 16 weeks to get there. Point is, I'm there! And I'm thankful that God has blessed me with energy!

Diet: My diet has been hit or miss. Truth be told, I am not as strict with my diet as I was during my second pregnancy, but not as lax as I was during my first pregnancy. I probably sound like a broken record. But I'll recap it again... in my first pregnancy, I gained 60 pounds with zero exercise and eating my way for two through those 9 months. Vowing to never let myself go again, my second pregnancy was entirely different. I exercised regularly and ate very clean. I still managed to gain 33 healthy pounds. Rewind back to my first pregnancy, I lost all of those 60 pounds effortlessly within a year, while with the second pregnancy, I thought I would lose the weight within weeks, if not by baby's 3 month birthday. But no. My body retaliated and I started gaining the weight I had lost after delivery at 6 months postpartum. Moral of the story is that with my third pregnancy I have learned that your body is going to do what your body is going to do. You can try and control what you eat, but if your body wants and needs to gain weight, it's going to do that. Sure. Eating healthy makes me feel way better than eating poorly does. But I also have the perspective from both pregnancies to know that eating what my body needs rather than depriving in order to avoid weight gain is what I am going to focus on this time around. But that is me. I am not a fitness pregnancy model, nor am I striving to be. I strove to be last pregnancy and it came back to bite me in my big ol' postpartum bottom. So humbling, that I'm really just giving my pregnancy diet/weight to God and trusting in my body's signals to know what I should and shouldn't eat. No, I'm not scarfing down bagels and cinnamon rolls (because my body doesn't need that; some women's bodies do!), but indulging in a bite or two of sweets then gearing it back to my glowing green smoothie? You bet. I'm enjoying my diet a little more than I otherwise would when I'm not pregnant.

Weight: So how has this diet, being a little looser than my second pregnancy diet and a little stricter than my third pregnancy diet faired for me in terms of the number on the scale? Well, I am measuring very close to where I was with my second pregnancy, believe it or not. I may be 1 pound heavier, but once again, I'm thankful the scale is working (somewhat) in my favor. But let's be honest, does the scale ever work in our favor during pregnancy?  It feels like I just got back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 130 pounds when I found out that I was pregnant with our third (this also happened to me when I found out I was pregnant with our second); jokes on me. But my point is that I was so used to seeing the numbers on the scale go down; and they finally went down; all the way down, and just when I started to bask in my weight loss, I got pregnant, and albeit, the number started to go up. Mentally, this can make a girl feel defeated. Some days I am, but I know this path all too well. I will gain weight. I will gain weight. And... I will lose the weight. Not sure when, but it will happen. Once again, my mind feels like it is in the right place this time around. Yes, I still hop on the scale totally naked in the morning (don't even put on my Apple Watch!), suck my tummy in, close my eyes, then open one and hope that the number has magically gone down, dare I say. Most often it's gone up, and this is a tough reality to face, but I know that that is what my body is supposed to be doing, rest assured.

Exercise: Enough about weight, let's talk about exercise. For me, exercising during pregnancy really is all about getting my endorphins going and seeking that feel-good after-exercise feeling. Exercise gives me more energy thought the day, which means a better attitude towards my kids and also the motivation to do more with them, such as adventures, walks to the park, playing outside, etc. So for me, exercising during pregnancy isn't really an option, instead, it is something I seek to achieve every day for the reasons I just mentioned. What I've found to be key in consistent exercise, is to first and foremost, remember how exercise makes you feel, and the secondly, to find exercise that you love and want to come back to. For so long, I have loved running, but since we moved to Dallas, I've yet to find a running trail that I like. Not only that, but running has felt pretty hard on my body. Everything is jiggling, I have a groin tear that is exacerbated during pregnancy, my ligaments tend to hurt more, and I feel super stiff the following day. I still appreciate my runs, but I've realized that there are many other forms of exercise and fun classes to experiment with that can be fun, and potentially not as hard on my body. One of these lower impact workouts I've come to love during (and also before) pregnancy is spin class. The YMCA in Dallas has a great spin instructor, and it is the perfect duration (45 minutes) and perfect cadence to allow for that feel-good feeling, while being lighter on my body. In addition to spin, I love barre and step class. Any sort of class, is great for me during pregnancy.

Doctor's Appointments: A few weeks back, I had my blood drawn for genetics testing. We received the callback and were classified as very low risk. Very thankful for the news. The nurse also almost gave me the gender results, but I stopped her as soon as she said, "And we have the gender results..." So, they have the gender results too, but once again, we aren't finding out. Wow, does it make it hard to not find out knowing that those results are already ink pressed on a piece of paper somewhere. Nevertheless, we are so excited for our surprise! As for upcoming doctor's appointments, I have the 17 week appointment next week, followed by the 21 week anatomy scan coming up. Prayers for that!

That's all for now, ladies! Can't wait to share more along the way.

xx,

Brooke