It's been awhile since I wrote a pregnancy update, but I figured I'd start somewhere. Along my pregnancy journeys (each one), I really enjoyed reading where other mamas were at in terms of symptoms, body changes, thoughts, feelings and emotions. Plus, I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed going back and reading my entries from when I was pregnant with Vance. Boy, have all of my pregnancies been different - not by a landslide, but certainly different. I wish I would have journaled during my first pregnancy! Anyways, here is a basic recap at fifteen weeks pregnant!
Current disposition: I'm starting to feel more and more like myself. I definitely have a lot of emotions going into this third pregnancy, and maybe more than I'd care to admit. It's in my personality to clam up when I too many emotions begin to overload my mind, and I feel like that is what has happened since the beginning of my pregnancy journey. This pregnancy decision (having a third child) and this pregnancy itself feels slightly different because I am doing something that is definitely outside of my comfort zone! It is different than what I had growing up, coming from a two-sibling family. To a small degree, I feel like I'm out on a limb. Sometimes it feels amazing, and other times it feels scary.
Having two kids was always in the cards, so long as my body permitted it. And it did. Having three kids was something I thought that I wanted since I met and married my husband - and everything in my tells me that it's the right decision, - yet there are still things that scare me about it. Three kids means getting three kids dressed, three kids fed, three kids into the car, three kids buckled in their carseats, three kids out of the car, three kids nighttime routines, three kids into college... you get the point. It's already hard with two, and that didnt stop us from having a third, but I guess I am trying to say that there is definitely some anxiety around the reality that we will have a third come September. Once again I want to reiterate that I have ZERO regret that we went for a third. In fact, I have never been more sure of anything. I am just scared because now that I know what it takes to raise TWO kids; there are moments when THREE kids seems like it'll be a lot.. I guess I'm really needing to lean on God in these moments and remember that He put it on our hearts to have three, and really remind myself that THIS exact situation is what I was made to do. A three kid mom is who I am!
Energy level: Oh gosh. Well, to be honest, I don't know what it's like to have full energy anymore. It feels like it's been so long since I've gotten through a day feeling "good" that I don't even remember what it feels like ha! My first trimester was FULL of fatigue, and fatigue that I gave into. With my second pregnancy, I definitely felt tired in the first trimester, but I didn't give in to the tiredness. I maintained my exercise, kept doing my outings, and didn't really rest - probably as much as I should have. When the second trimester rolled around (right at 13 weeks), I instantly felt energized and carried on per usual. This pregnancy feels different. The fatigue was almost unbearable - like I couldn't get myself off of the couch some days. I was able to somewhat consistently workout, and that gave me some energy, but not like it did in my second pregnancy. Having two kids at home, I had to have grace with myself for allowing myself to take days off as a mama, and to allow my kids to watch a bit more TV than I would have liked them to.
Now that I am in the second trimester, I expected my energy to return to usual, and maybe even anticipated heightened energy, as I had felt with my second pregnancy (can't remember what I felt during my first pregnancy - it was a blur!). But, that hasn't happened yet. I do feel much more energized than I did from weeks 8 to 12 weeks, but at 14 weeks, I don't have the kind of energy that I had hoped for. That said, I am still anticipating the return of energy, just recognizing that it might come a little later than I originally thought. My mother-in-law reminds me that pregnancy is much harder and more exhausting when you are running around after two young kids! She should know too, she is a mother to FIVE.
Diet: My diet has been alright, but is certainly different than when I am not pregnant. If you've been following my weight loss journey after having my second, you know that I finally lost all of my baby weight, getting me to 130 pounds! Let me tell you that this weight loss didn't come easily. There were months of frustration when I realized that breastfeeding (or hormones) was causing me to gain weight during the postpartum period. Once I stopped, I finally started to drop the weight with my Postpartum Slimdown Program. However, it didn't happen necessarily over night. I mean, the initial weight loss did, but the long-term weight loss took some time. With that, I was definitely watching my caloric intake. Quite honestly, cutting calories was really the only thing that enabled me to ultimately lose the weight. My point is, I got used to being able to consume a smaller number of calories during the day. Once I became pregnant, you obviously realize that you can't continue along this path of minimal calorie consumption, and that you need to focus on feeding yourself and your baby. Not only that, but even if I wanted to eat fewer calories, it's almost as if my cravings and my body itself wouldn't allow me to. I am not one to deny my body of what it feels like it needs. When I am not pregnant, I have very few cravings and can easily get through a day eating a very light diet - and I feel great! When I am pregnant, I have cravings (for random food), and certainly for more food. I found myself needing to consume an extra meal at night - usually a spoonful of peanut butter and milk. Another thing, when I am not pregnant, I never drink milk. I generally try to avoid dairy (except for cheese - I love cheese). But since becoming pregnant, I can't get enough dairy. So that sums up the fact that I have been eating more during pregnancy, which might come to a shock to my body, which was used to the fewer calories I had been consuming.
Cravings/Aversions: Adding onto the diet portion, I definitely am craving random food this time around. Like I said earlier, I am wanting more dairy. Cheese, yogurt, cream cheese!, milk. I have this big craving for dairy, especially in the first trimester. I also crave food right before bed. So weird.
Alternatively, in the first trimester I had food aversions to basically everything. Nothing tasted amazing. Well, the only thing that did was cheese and crackers. My dinners usually meant picking at everything in the fridge to find out that nothing was appetizing. Or having Ryan run out and get me something I thought that I was craving - such as PF Changs, only to take a few bites after he returned and then turn up my nose because I felt as if I was going to barf. The only thing I could really stomach (other than cheese and crackers) was sushi (cooked sushi and/or avocado rolls), cream cheese on sourdough toast - or anything on toast -, and popsicles. Other than that, everything else made me want to gag.
Maternity Clothes: my clothes don't fit anymore at 14 weeks. I could wear my pants with a rubber band around the waist button up until about 12 weeks. Once 13/14 weeks hit, my pants certainly feel out of reach. Could I put them on with a rubber band cinching the waist? Sure. But would they feel comfortable? No. So, it's back to my dear old friends: leggings and Lululemon pants. I'm not going to complain because I certainly chose to get pregnant, but it's definitely a sad day that I just bought about four pairs of super cute size 28 jeans, and now I won't be able to wear them at least for another year. Oh well! The joys of pregnancy!
Skin: My skin has finally stopped breaking out. The first trimester was horrible in terms of acne! I haven't had that kind of acne ever in my life, and it certainly hasn't been as bad during either of my two pregnancies. Safe to say, the acne is clearing up and I'm starting to get that pregnancy glow! Woo woo. I've also noticed that my hair is shinier and growing like crazy - my hair dresser even noted that I have a lot more new growth coming in.
Workouts: I'm actually surprised at how often I've been going to the YMCA to workout - even through the death of what was the first trimester. Working out was one thing that made me feel better during the first trimester. I maybe felt like I was going to barf mid-spin and probably went at half the rate I usually do. Nonetheless, working out boosted my energy and somehow helped (a tad) with my nausea. My favorite workouts this pregnancy have been spin, barre and walking on the treadmill. During my first pregnancy, my working out was non-existent. During my second pregnancy, I ran at least three days a week, 3 miles per day up until about 20 weeks, then switched to step class and spin. This pregnancy, I definitely don't feel as comfortable running. Maybe it's the extra weight, but for whatever reason, I don't feel as comfortable as I did during the second pregnancy to run. I had this same sensation during my first pregnancy. On the other hand, spinning has been an amazing workout. It is more doable because you are essentially sitting. My heart rate also doesn't get as elevated, which was probably a good thing during the first trimester. Barre has also been great for toning and what not.
Body: Well, well, well.. my body has felt like it has changed. I have that bloated feeling, you know when you feel like a whale and it makes you want to sit on the couch all day? Yeah, you'd think that feeling like a whale would make me want to workout more, but no, it makes me feel lazier. My body changes - specifically bigger thighs, way bigger boobs, and even bigger arms has happened a lot sooner than in my other pregnancies. Unfortunately, I am one of those women that does pack on some extra cushion during pregnancy. It is my bodies way of doing pregnancy, and there really isn't anything that I can do about it. I know this because during my second pregnancy, I worked out constantly and ate very clean, and I still had the thigh growth and bodily changes of gaining that extra cushion. That said, the increase in fat stores happened later on in my pregnancy. This pregnancy, I've felt that fat gain sooner. I'm not sure if it's because my hormones are slightly different this time around or because I had more lag time between my pregnancies or because I just came off losing all of the baby weight. Whatever the reason, my body certainly feels "squishier" as my toddler has told me. HE even notices! No joke. Made me self-conscious for sure, but he also reminded me that it's a good thing because I have a baby. Such a sweetie.